Over the last 2 years since being in Thailand I’ve started - for the first time, to think about what my core beliefs are. Core beliefs can be made up of core morals and core truths.

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Here is my short list of core beliefs that guide me under the surface… I never really state these out loud but they are always there, part of my psyche and guiding me in everything that I think about, every goal I attain to, and every decision that I make. I thought it would be fun to actually try to write them out.

Vern’s Core Beliefs:
1. My time is my time. If I gift you some of my time, then that’s great - I feel good about it. I chose to give you some of my time. If you attempt to take some of my time I will decide whether it’s what I want or what I need. If neither of those two conditions are filled, then you’ll not get any of my time.

2. Life is a game. We have no facts that tell us that the game is important or unimportant. We have no way to know the ‘why’ that we are playing this silly game. The creator or creating process is an absolute mystery at this time. There is no way to have any direct contact with that mystery that can prove facts. Since I believe strongly in facts and not in hearsay or unproven phenomena I think there is no point in trying to figure out the why. Live life easily, lightly. Life is no more serious than Lucky Charms.

3. Every person alive is doing the best they can with what they’ve been ‘given’. By ‘given’ I mean physically and based on what they experienced during their development (their environment). Treating others like this gives me a certain freedom to see past their faults and negative behavior. For a time anyway. I understand that if I was born to a mother that was a sado-masochist and devil worshipper and my father was a chain-saw murderer I might be quite a different person. Environment AND biology shape the individual.

4. The world is inter-connected it functions on a macro-level as one big organism. All the pieces seem to fit like a puzzle, like organ systems of the body so is everything that is in this world - to the world. It all functions together. With this belief it makes me believe that something I do affects other things that I don’t see. I KNOW it is true with human behavior as I’ve seen it work in the field of psychology as I counseled different people with significant mental distress. One bad act causes another, and maybe more than just one. Those acts cause more bad acts. It’s a snowball.

5. I need to act according to my set of morals consistently. There are times that I falter. It’s not a big deal, nor is anything a big deal since (see #2).

6. Taking ACTION is the most positive thing I can do. I can change anything that I choose to act on. I may need to act once or 1000 times. But, I know that what I want to change must change in some way after “massive, consistent action”. (from a Tony Robbins CD)

7. I need to look after myself. Nobody else is looking after me as much as me. How could they possibly? And, it’s OK to look after yourself and make yourself happy. Again, nobody else is trying to make you happy as much as you are.

8. I need to help people whenever possible. I get good feelings from helping others.

9. I need to make other people laugh as much as possible and make them feel appreciated, encouraged, and special. I do this best with kids as they seem to have no inhibitions about laughing as much as possible. As I get older (41) I notice that people my age aren’t laughing that much anymore. I noticed a guy about 65 laughing on the train quite a bit the other week. It hit me that MAN I haven’t heard someone laugh at that age for quite a while. He had a great laugh that made me laugh when he was laughing. It’s contagious and it’s one disease I want to spread.

10. I can do everything myself. I may let you do something for me if I think you will be happy to do it. If I sense you are not happy, I will never let you do something for me.

11. I am always the winner. If you are the winner, then I am also a winner.

12. Revenge. This one will turn some heads, but I believe strongly in it. I really believe that when someone profoundly wrongs me they need to be punished for it. There are two reasons for this. One is that I will not accept being treated as less than. Rape my friend, my sister, beat my mom, and I will find a way to make you understand that you cannot do that to another person. It isn’t fair. I’m big on “fair”. The other reason I will not let the act go unpunished is because it would be totally unacceptable in my mind to have the person do it again to someone else when I could have put a stop to it. Again, it comes back to not being “fair” to others. It isn’t fair to mankind that a guy that does something heinous such as this, walks the street with the ability to do it again to some other innocent person. I just won’t accept that.

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13. Death is nothing. Life is nothing. We don’t know the meaning of either - so there’s no need to attach man-made meanings to either.

14. Being in the moment is the greatest state of mind. Vipassana showed me that the present moment is the most incredible moment. It is in the present moment that we taste our food. We can feel good. We can enjoy sex on a purely physical level while in the moment. We can listen to others and help others… give advice to others when we’re living in the present moment so much better than we can if we are concerned about the future or the past with stray thoughts that pull us out of the present.

15. There is no better experience in all of life than to be laying down, facing your newborn baby as he wakes up in the early morning and seeing him smile when he looks in your eyes… breathing in his breath and holding it in to try to experience just a little more of the reality of the whole situation.

Anyone care to share their own core beliefs?

Send them in comments, I’d love to read some…

Best of Life!

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I’ve watched a lot of films I guess, a couple thousand at the theater I think would not be an overestimation. There are very, very precious few films that I really enjoy watching at the theater but I go because there are a few gems that really hit home and make me think in a new way or open my mind to new ideas. To me, it’s worth it to go for that possibility.

For myself, ‘independent films’ are the real ‘gold’. If you haven’t seen any independent films you really should try. Frequently colleges have them playing on a weekly or monthly basis. When I went to college in Miami there was a special Wednesday night bi-weekly independent film showing for free for anyone that attended the university. There were only about 100 of us that went consistently, and most of them art students. I was about the only 25 year old there as everyone else was 18-19 and just came to kiss and heavy pet during the films.

There I was exposed to a variety of foreign films with subtitles and sometimes in English. Where they got these movies I haven’t a clue, but they all showed from a film projector on the wall screen in front of us - maybe 20 feet wide. My worldview expanded during those films.

I found it really fun to watch a film that was made in the United Kingdom and try to understand what everyone is saying. It’s English - but wow, the difference in the way I’m used to hearing English in the United States differs markedly from England’s version!

There were some very odd movies, the kind that you’re not really sure WHY they made the movie at all except to show texture of leaves, the sound of falling rain… the harshness of city life in contrast to nature… Very little dialogue and just shots of things. I really enjoyed those movies, there were maybe 30 in all. I was sure I didn’t miss even one.

The feature film business is largely owned by a small group of people that basically control all of the theater chains across America. There are some small independent films that break into the game, but for the most part even the independent films that you see at a theater are made by someone with serious corporate ties.

Some films that I’m glad I saw, not that I necessarily ‘enjoyed’:

Fellini’s Films - none in particular, just the whole twisted idea of them. They were shot out of chronological order sometimes - or so it seemed. They were spliced over with vivid sex scenes that woke me up when I thought it was getting a bit slow. There was this underlying tone of sexuality throughout all the Fellini films I saw (maybe 4) and they were filmed in a way that was very different from what I’d ever seen. You’ve GOTTA see a Fellini flick if you haven’t yet.

Most Annoying Film: Corndog Man, Andrew Shea
The most annoying movie ever produced in my humble opinion. That is saying something when compared to “Passion of the Christ” in which I was the unwitting participant in losing 38 IQ points for having subjected myself to that piece of trash. This movie grated on my nerves for what seemed like an e-t-e-r-n-i-t-y and it was actually hurting my mind to continue watching it. It was sizzling-my-brain torture to watch it. I wanted for well over an hour to stop the madness - and yet I couldn’t make myself hit “stop” on the DVD player. I did hit ‘pause’ at one point and question myself, “Am I really going to watch this to the finish?” The answer was YES. I needed to see what happened. This movie popped veins in my forehead and I aged an additional year just watching it. Here’s a review on Amazon: Corndog Man DVD

3 Best Films:

American Movie, Chris Smith
Perhaps my all-time favorite movie. Mark Borchardt wants to be a movie director. He has more drive and ambition than anyone I know and yet he’s a victim of circumstance having grown up in Wisconsin, poor, high school educated (striving for GED), and a recovering alcoholic. His refusal to accept that everything is against him, and to continue making his horror film is very inspiring. This movie filled me with incredible optimism for whatever it is that I’m working on. I frequently remember some of Mark’s sayings and his personality. Part of him lives inside me. Inside all of us? Rent the movie at Blockbuster if you can find it. Or, buy at Amazon: American Movie DVD

Following, Christopher Nolan
Mr. Nolan’s first feature film. About an unemployed guy that follows people. Black and white and character rich. You should definitely see this movie. Following DVD

Memento, Christopher Nolan
This story is shown in reverse sort of. There are 3-8 minute segments of the story shown and at the end of each segment it takes you to where you were at the beginning of the one before it. Sound confusing? It was first, having no background and seeing the film cold without having read any reviews (which is how I always see films). Memento DVD

Introduction to Strange Films: Heathers, Michael Lehmann
This was the first twisted sort of movie I’d ever seen. The weirdness of it was so provokative. I think I was 17 when I first saw this film. It was extremely interesting the first 5 times I saw it. I’m not sure if I saw it now that I would enjoy it, but then, WOW. Christian Slater played a very odd character that is worth seeing for that reason alone. I wouldn’t necessarily insist you’ve got to see this one. It’s quite amateurish and we’ve probably all outgrown this one. It was just my first foray into the ‘weird’ so I included it on the list.

Most Fascinating Film: A Clockwork Orange, Stanley Kubrick
I don’t really understand the reaction that most people give me about this movie… “The horrible rape, the depravity of it…” What are they talking about? To me it’s a work of pure fiction, and yet so many people treat it as if it’s supposed to be a reality of some sort. The book was brilliant, I read it first. I loved picking up the language that was completely fabricated and a lot of it borrowed from Russian slang I think is where it came from. I thought the characters were just brilliant. The headmaster’s voice still rings in my head and demands to be copied when I’m talking to someone that I want to accuse of something (for fun of course). A Clockwork Orange DVD

Most Strange and Twisted Film: Gummo, Harmony Korine
Definitely was the strangest movie I’d ever seen until I saw more Harmony Korine Movies. This guy tops the list for odd stuff. In the meta view - the big picture his films are kind of just showing one short couple days in the life of some people that we may never interact with. We might never, EVER know someone like one of the characters in his films. But, they exist and they are living everyday just like us. Some parts of the kids on the bicycles riding through town reminded me of growing up in a small town, population 3,000. It reminded me of a few people I knew when I was growing up. I had to watch this film 4 or 5 times before I started to feel at ease with it a little bit. And still… you know? You’ve got to rent this one. Another of his mad creations was “KIDS” which is not recommended for everyone, but if you really want a taste of something different - have a look. Gummo DVD

Honorable Mentions
Dangerous Liasons (John Malkovich was great); Silence of the Lambs (Hannibal was great character); Kill Bill I+II; Shawshank Redemption; Schindler’s List (the darkness of it was overwhelming); Meaty (Free download). 8 minute short film. If you download this film you MUST watch until the very end… there is a sweet song by Meaty’s wife that is priceless…

What are YOUR favorite independent or ‘different’ movies?

Bored? Fly your Lawnchair a Couple Hundred Miles…

Recently a guy in the USA flew his lawn chair (and himself in it) almost 200 miles by floating it with helium balloons.

If anyone I knew brought up this brilliant idea I’d have stopped talking to the person. He/she would have obviously been suffering from something that I’d rather not be part of. I’d just rather not know what the plan was and hear about it after it was all done because it had failure written all over it. Failure is one thing, but failure leading to death caused by stupidity is quite another.

That’s my initial impression. As I read the headline of the article my brother sent me by email I needed to read it 3 times (no joke) to try to get my head around it.

The full story is here >

As I read it I kept waiting for the punch line - or for the story to get outrageously ridiculous, gradually clueing me in on the farce.

There was no punchline. This guy really did this. He attached 105 large colored balloons to his chair and flew 193 miles in under 9 hours with the wind, reaching around 13,000 feet in altitude. Hey wait, don’t planes fly at 10,000 feet? Yes. Was he endangering whole groups of people? Yes. What happened to his chair after he landed? He couldn’t hold it down and it shot back into the sky without him. Isn’t that a serious hazard? Yes, I would call it that. This guy got nothing but praise from the group of people interviewing him though!

As I read the article I identified with his sense of adventure. I love to do new things. I love to do things that challenge me… things that I don’t think I can do, but I do them anyway just to see myself complete them.

I like to challenge myself by taking risks - small risks in comparison to this I think… I find that the biggest risks I take tend to be in the water in Hawaii.

I like to find some surf that’s breaking at 5-10 feet Hawaiian scale and see if I can:

1. Get in the water and paddle out.
2. Avoid getting cracked in the head by someone else’s surfboard.
3. Ride something, anything.
4. Grab some incredible rides.
5. Paddle back in without dying or getting caught on the coral reef as a few million gallons of saltwater churn me over it like grinding fresh meat that grandma used to make.

If I can do that - I have accomplished a LOT in my mind. I’ve been caught in what for me was just EPIC surf on the North Shore of Hawaii at a break called “Sunset” break. When I entered the water the sets were between 8-12 feet Hawaiian scale. When I got caught in the middle of a freak 20 foot set I was not really prepared for what ensued and almost drown numerous times.

I like to push it, but sometimes I think that I push it too far.

But, there is a whole group of people that REALLY push it far beyond what I ever attempt. This guy is one of those people. He had heard an unsubstantiated story about a guy flying with balloons attached to him and wanted to try it on his own. He actually contacted the first guy and they kind of planned it out together.

I don’t like all the risks this guy decided to take that could have affected other people - like if his lawnchair with 100 rubber balloons got stuck in the jet air intake of an airliner, but I do love the idea of just firing up some helium balloons and seeing where you go. Must have been such an incredible experience. This was actually his 2nd flight. On his first flight he ascended to 16,000 feet too quickly and popped too many of his balloons with a BB-gun and then descended too rapidly. This flight was more controlled in comparison.

Makes me wonder what hairy-scary idea I could challenge myself with!

Best of Life,

So, I’ve been agonizing over the decision about whether to stay in Thailand or go back to Hawaii. In Hawaii I have a great friend from Sweden, Christian who does Hawaii appraisal of residential real estate on Oahu, Maui, Kauai, and Big Island there that is making it very easy for me to come back and live like a leech off his generosity for a few weeks before I can bag a job.

How’s THIS for generosity…

“Vern you can rent a room in my house for $200 per month. I normally rent it out for$700 as it’s a share with another roommate.”

He has the following I can use:

Bodyboard, Mountain bike, Snorkel/mask/fins, Kayak, computer, futon, other stuff in the apartment, camping gear.

He will give me things to do - to fix up - so I don’t have to actually pay cash for rent. I’ll paint things and help him put some tile down and other things.

He may be looking for an apprentice appraiser too. He’d teach me all about appraising homes and for 2 years I’d work with him for little cash. At the end of two years I can go out on my own and get my own license. Not that I’m really looking to be an appraiser, but who knows? He likes the job a LOT.

So here’s an update on the Fate post I wrote the other day…

So far these are the things that I would normally ignore COMPLETELY because they are of the fate/existential realm that I never give any credence to. There have been many things now since I’ve been paying attention and since I decided to keep track of them since I cannot come up with a logical reason to move back to Hawaii or remain in Thailand.

1st: I flipped a coin and told myself I’d go with whatever decision it came up with. Heads was Thailand. Tails was Hawaii. It was heads.

2nd: I flipped the card at the beach - as in that Fate post. I said - red card, I’ll stay in Thailand where my heart is. Black card, go back to Hawaii. The card, on turning it over was white - the dye / ink had disappeared. The card was a 6 of hearts though. Technically red at one point, but no longer.

3rd: Believe it or not, while I was at a cave temple in Krabi, Thailand I looked down at my feet and there was another playing card. I tried again. It came up RED. Hmm.

4th: My brother told me that returning to the United States might be the dumbest thing I ever did.

5th: I’ve had “jhana” come a lot lately - it leaves a feeling as if I am meant to be here in Thailand. It’s such a “right” feeling to be here…

6th: I saw a small black cat walking across a vacant lot the other day. I’m in a 3rd floor room of a hotel in Krabi, Thailand. I was watching it out the window when I said to myself. If you want me to stay here that cat will look at me. It will look not just randomly, but for a substantial amount of time. In about 7 seconds the cat stopped and looked right up at me. I hadn’t moved or spoken. There was no noise from my room or anywhere close. The cat stared for 5 whole seconds or more.

7th: I had a dream that my girlfriend here and I were closing up the front doors of our business (like a store front) and going to sleep for the night. I rarely dream anymore.

So, that’s the tally so far. 7 for stay in Thailand and none for go back to Hawaii.

And yet, I still made a reservation to return to Hawaii. Why? I’m not sure. I believe that I just have zero sense of faith in anything outside myself directing my life. I’ve directed my life for 40 years basically. I got myself into the good, bad and ugly. I can get myself out of it too. I know that I can make it anywhere and that location is not that important… however, the people I’m surrounded with… the culture… will be very different in both places.

Realistically, Hawaii is where I need to be as I need to build on my small successes and keep hitting goals I have in the online - and offline world.

Metaphysically, everything is telling me - Thailand is the place, at least for now.

We’ll see I guess! My flight is to go next week and barring something extreme, I’ll be back in Honolulu running around Magic Island park, bodyboarding at Bellows, The Wall, Makapu’u, and other favorite spots.

Mostly I’ll be missing this incredible girl I’ve met here and spent the last more than 2 years with. She is such a quality person that I cannot believe my good-fortune in finding her. I’ve been married 3 times already at 41 years old! 3!

I’ve thought 5 times that I found the perfect girl for me… I was wrong everytime. This time, I’m not wrong. Sounds funny I know - Vern must have a serious issue about picking girls - and I DO. VERY serious issue. But, you know what? I’ve got the courage to keep trying.

I think it was Rudolph Dreikurs (family psychologist) that was big on encouragement and the courage to keep trying. I have it when it comes to relationships. I’ve definitely got it.

I have not one doubt in my mind that this girl is the jewel of Thailand…

I’ll write more about my friend here in Thailand in later posts.

If you’re tired of trying - you’ve got to try again when you build up the energy… don’t ever stop trying…

Aim for Awesome!

Really, it’s a good mantra…

:P

If you need property on any of the Hawaiian islands and need an appraisal done, Christian would be happy to do it for you. I highly recommend him as a genuinely good guy.