What is the Point of Life?
I’ve been wondering over the course of my entire 42 year life…
What is the Point of Life?
IS there a point to life? If “yes”, what is it?
Is life a good thing to experience or a horrible thing to endure?
Over the last 5-6 weeks I’ve been meditating again. Just sitting and focusing on the breath… you know, that thing that keeps us alive with an inhalation every 6 seconds over our lifetimes?
In the past I thought I had the answer to what is the point of life… I decided in about 1997 that there really is no good point to life and that the best way to go through life is to cheat God and go through it a different way than how everyone else was wired to go through it. After all - God, or something smarter than us - whether it’s the natural order of the cosmos, God, or aliens, something started this or is the reason for this… this thing we call human life…
In 1997 after reading a bit about Buddhism and the “goal” of Buddhism I decided that I was going to reach what the Theravadin Buddhists call, “Nibbana” or “Nirvana”. Essentially “Nibbana” means, the end of suffering. They believe that all of life is suffering because our minds are wired to attach to things that we like, and attach to the idea of getting things - whether they be positive things, or even getting away from those things that we perceive (experience) as negative. Each human being creates an ego - that is seen as the “self” and it’s something that Buddhists believe is not really there. They believe it’s fabricated from going through life identifying with things, ideas, actions, thoughts, etc… as “mine” or “I”… “me”. They believe there really is nothing to this “I” and that it doesn’t exist at all. It’s a fabrication of thought… an illusory character that has been reinforced with thought over the course of our entire lives… The “I” can go away, they say…
When the “I” goes away, with it goes the suffering that the mind endures every day and from moment to moment. There is no more attachment to things, ideas, experience, sense objects… so there is no more suffering when we don’t get what we have attached to with our minds (hearts).
I was fascinated as I read some of the accounts of monks and others meditating. Some were able to stop thoughts in the mind. Some were able to experience fantastic imagery, or phenomena inside the mind as their minds eroded away that construct that we call “ego” which, essentially is the “you” and the “I” that I think I am… Some were able to visit levels of “Jhana”… these are considered the stepping stones to Nirvana… once you are experiencing Jhana the ego starts to fall away like chalk from a chalkboard… effortless and totally erasing that which was was known as the “me” or the “I”.
I identified strongly with the Buddhist goal to end this life of suffering. I agree, this life appears to be so full of suffering and it does appear that we create our own suffering through attachment to doing, being, experiencing positive and avoiding negative things in life. I can see plainly that life in general sucks. I’m not saying that I don’t have great experiences. I may have had more great experiences than anyone reading this blog post, and yet, overall - life is just full of suck.
We have so many instances of attachment to the way that we want events to go throughout the day… throughout our lives that we are disappointed much more often than we are satisfied. That is the natural state of human beings. Perhaps especially so, for those of us that live in America where we’re constantly trying to control all variables in our lives and control more and more of what is going on. We are always trying to get more, do more, be more, see more, experience more, control more, and it’s a lost battle more times than not. How can we possibly get everything to go our way? How can we possibly even get a majority of events to go our way? Impossible.
So, we’re fighting a losing battle… all of us. That is fact.
I meditated for over 10 months. I had the experiences that I read about. My mind stopped and there was no thought. There was no “me”. I experienced the levels of Jhana. I had incredible, fantastic, bizarre and surreal experiences that blew me away… I had hours in which my mind was stopped and where I did not react to things with emotion or with the ego… I was still able to function, and yet the ego was gone. I was told by monks here in Thailand that I was well on the way to the ultimate goal of the end of suffering…
As I sat today on the top of a mountain here in southern Thailand for a couple hours I questioned again, like I often do, whether there is really any point in reaching nirvana. What is the POINT of that? It’s cheating God or whatever set up mankind here like it is… It’s eliminating the ego - that thing which all of mankind has to some degree… and the thing that is admittedly the cause of so much pain and suffering due to it’s affinity to attaching to outcomes of events - but still.
What’s the point?
I’ve not met anyone that was enlightened. I’ve asked monks and abbots of Buddhist temples here in Thailand. I’ve asked on major, worldwide known internet forums if anyone knows someone they believe is enlightened… I’ve found nobody.
I think the state exists and I think that I’ve tasted the flavor of it. I may have experienced exactly what enlightenment is all about for short periods… and you know what? So what. What is the point of being enlightened and without pain? Because, you are also without the exhilaration that comes when you are fully attached to the outcome of something - and you get it. Buddhism discounts these moments of joy as unimportant because they are not lasting and the source of perpetual joy. I can’t seem to discount them. I feel like those moments are the moments that I want to experience. I’ve felt the equanimity - the balance that exists when a problem confronts “me” when there is no ego… and it’s nice to not react. It’s nice to watch the mind stay calm and be completely unaffected by that which would have been perceived as very negative when the ego was ripe and present. But, am I to live my entire life that way - balanced, non-reactive to negatives and positives, but existing in a state of peace and bliss where there are not only no lows, but, no highs either?
Don’t get me wrong… the experience of losing the ego is phenomenal… I’ve experienced nothing like it ever. Jhana and experiencing a stopping of thought and a loss of the ego was the most unique experience that I’ve ever had and that I could have never dreamed was possible. It was bizarre, incredible, fantastic, and during it there was no feeling of any of that - things just were as they are. Buddhadassa Bhikku had a saying, “it is as it is” or, “just as it is” to describe the state of reality once you lose the ego and you are experiencing the state in which there can be no disappointment because there is no attachment to anything.
It’s a wonderful state. It’s a painless state. It’s nice to have… Is it worth it to keep meditating and have that state be with you permanently?
I don’t know. Today as I thought about it… no, it’s not worth it. The ‘masters’ say that once you reach nibbana it’s a permanent change. It doesn’t revert and you suddenly have ego again one day. That’s it, ego is toast and you’re not going back.
Is it worth it to enter that state of nibbana just so you can help others enter it too? Is that the point of life - to reach nibbana and transcend life as we know it now - full of attachment, exhilaration and disappointments?
Do enlightened people bodyboard? I don’t think so. I know that when I was going through the process and experiencing the different levels of Jhana… and I had such peace of mind and balance… equanimity the Buddhists call it… I had no desire to DO things. Nothing really. All desire was gone… No desire to play at the beach, explore a hiking trail, bodyboard, snorkel, nothing. I didn’t “miss” those things while in the state, but still - is that how one’s whole LIFE should be? It’s like cheating God out of creating bad experience here on earth.
I don’t know why humans are here… I don’t know if I’m here for any particular reason that is different from what every other human is here for. Is there a reason at all for why we are here - as a group or as individuals? I’m not sure there is or isn’t. I’m not sure that something made us on purpose to exist and go through this silly life as we are. I don’t see a good point to it. I’ve tried. I can’t see it.
I’ve tried over and over and over to understand what possible good could be coming out of babies born without limbs, with life-threatening diseases, with AIDS, with any of the myriad disabilities, diseases, deformities, and the like… and those are just babies… what of those that are raped or tortured and killed? What of those that see loved ones die in the war or of other horrible circumstances? What of lost love? Lost hope? Lost friends? Failed marriages? Things that rip our hearts out… what is the point of these?
To me there is really no point, and if there is a point it’s beyond human understanding and no point thinking about it.
As far as I can see the point of life for me is that…
1. It’s temporary.
It’s a temporary state of existence that is not to be taken all that seriously because it:
A.) Isn’t fair to all of us, some have a much better life than others - based on nothing more than luck of the draw as far as we can see. And,
B.) There is no guidance for the world’s inhabitants as to what the point of life really is… so, it’s up to your own intellect… assuming you have an intellect. If you were unlucky enough to be born with a 70 IQ, then you probably wouldn’t have any ideas at all about what the point of life is - and so again, how serious could this life be if some of us - millions of us with mental disabilities cannot think with a clear enough mind to come up with their own meaning to this life - or even CARE about a meaning?
2. It’s OK to attach to some things…
There are some things that we attach to with our minds, and that we are actually able to receive somewhat consistently. These are things that we should enjoy. They are to be enjoyed to counteract some of the suck!
For instance, I can really attach to food! I really can enjoy many different types of food when I’m “in the moment” and really tasting the food. It gives such an enjoyment in the present moment that few things can compare. Well, maybe nothing can compare in my mind. Eating food might be the most enjoyable experience I can ever have consistently and almost as frequently as I choose.
Sex can be incredibly pleasing, but masturbation is better because it’s always there for you and you’re not likely to disappoint yourself.
Simple things… a walk after work… playing a musical instrument… listening to your favorite CD… laying down for a nap after work… things that depend entirely on you and that you can make happen most times. Things that are simple to set up and that bring consistent pleasure… without leading to disappointment much.
3. Everyone else’s life is sucking also…
If I reduce other people’s negative experience of life in some way then I feel good about it. It’s a lasting feeling of good. I tend to think of it in a karma-ish way and I keep a running balance in my mind for the day of things I’m doing good for people or ways in which I’m hurting people or giving them a negative experience… Even things like smiling at someone or giving a compliment is giving someone a more positive experience of life than if you hadn’t. It feels good to me to make others happy and reduce the sucky experience inherent in day-to-day life.
4. Make yourself happy when you can.
Do something that you feel good doing. For me, this means something active usually… I love to bodyboard in the waves of Hawaii more than I like to breath. I have so much intense fun on so many levels that for me it’s like a religious experience… it’s like the best high that I can feel. I also like mountain biking, hiking, some easy climbing, snorkeling, kayaking, fishing, and running. I attach with my mind to the fun I have doing these things and it’s not hard to have fun doing them. It’s not that hard to line them up and do them. To me, that is attachment that works. If someday I can no longer kayak or climb or snorkel because of medical problems or lack of money - no worries, I’ll not attach to them anymore… I’ll find something else that I enjoy and that I can do consistently that enables me to feel happier than I would experiencing life’s general suck.
5. Reduce attachment to things that are likely to give you dissatisfaction, or change something so they become more likely to happen.
A.) Competition: For me reducing competition was one thing that has had a very positive result in my life. I have been so competitive in my younger years. I ran, played soccer, played beach volleyball, competed in triathlons, played competitive racquetball, tennis, and so many more things that many times gave me a bad feeling about having competed in them at all. Even if I won, I might feel like I didn’t play as well as I could have. I might feel like I didn’t try for certain points. I might think the other guy let me win. I might think that I was lucky to win and didn’t win based on my skills and strategy, thereby reducing the exhileration of the win. I noticed that even though I won I never felt that good. What a horrible situation! I compete very little now and I’m much happier inside.
B.) Goals: If your goal for the past 10 years has been to make $100,000 salary and you’re not there yet… moderate your goal. If you want to go to Cancun Mexico for your vacation and that’s all you dream about, and you’re making $15,000 per year either change your goal or change your lifestyle so you’ll LIKELY be able to meet your goal.
C.) Love: If there’s one area of my own life that had to change it was here. Love relationships are what cause me the most pain by far… more than everything else added together, easily. I attach to the outcome of so many little events in a relationship and if things don’t go the way I want them to, then I’m disappointed. I’m sad. If we break up, I’m really sad! I have yet to make a relationship “work”… and I’ve just about given up trying. No point for me, I think much better to give up the idea and just have close friendships instead. I wish I’d have realized this one thing so many years ago!
What other things are not worth attaching to because they frequently lead to disappointment?
6. Be happy with very little.
Living in Thailand for the past 3 years on very little money has shown me something that I couldn’t have learned if I had read it or even experienced the same thing in the USA. I need very, very little as far as the comforts that I thought I needed before coming to Thailand. As I write this I’m sitting on a fold-up cushion that serves as my bed, chair, theater seats (when we watch DVD movies on the notebook computer) and dinner table. I have no table. No chairs. No kitchen sink. No flush toilet. No air conditioning. No fan. I have no car. I have no bicycle. I have no refrigerator. I have no hot water. I have no TV. The greatest asset I own is my notebook computer that is worth about $400 USD. The next most expensive thing I have is a mobile phone that was $45 USD. The next most expensive thing I have is a portable hard drive that stores my photos and videos that was also almost $45 USD. My girlfriend has a motorbike that cost us $1750 USD almost 2 years ago. These are the major things we have. They are things that we’d rather not live without, but if we had to - we could live without any of them! We’ve slept on the hard tile floor for weeks at times. We’ve walked or taken buses instead of use the motorbike.
I think, if I were to return to the USA now after finding out how little I really need, I could live in a shared apartment with very little furniture or none - no TV, and have a bicycle to get to work and I’d be fine. Maybe I’d need to make about $20,000 USD salary. That’s a FAR cry from what I thought I needed before I left. It takes the stress out of life to reduce what you think you “need”. Move to another country for a couple months if you can, experience what they are experiencing… it might shock you at first until you realize, wow, that’s all I need to survive too…
7. Enjoy being in the present moment.
When we play sports or when we’re doing just about anything physically we are “in the present moment”. We are just doing. We are experiencing without using the mind’s ego. We are not using the mind’s ideas of the future or the past. We’re not using thought… we’re using memory and physical reaction… It’s as if we’re enjoying pure experience. That is a good thing. As I told you, bodyboarding in Hawaii (or anywhere) is my favorite activity that I can possibly do. I am not thinking much during it, I’m just DOING. In DOING there can be a lot of pleasure in the present moment. A LOT.
Extend this to things like driving, walking, and going about your day doing anything and you’ll notice that you have a much more enjoyable time. Washing dishes for instance… it’s something that most of us need to do everyday and most of us look at it as a chore, something we don’t WANT to do. We’re attached to the idea of not having to do them - but, realistically - there they are after every meal. If we do the dishes in the present moment and aren’t caught up in our egoistic thoughts of the future and what we are going to do after the dishes or what we think we could be doing instead of the dishes - we’re happier. If you’re happier you can give happiness to others more often. You can react to life’s challenges from a more balanced or centered point.
8. When life is over, it’s over…
No need to prolong this life any longer than we have here. Why prolong the misery? Why make the body live longer than it has a right to? Why force the mind to face death not once, but twice or more times? Why? The fear of death is such a horrible thing that most of us have. I believe that when death comes it’s a release. And a relief… could the next level be worse than this one? We haven’t the slightest idea if there is more or death is it… do you fear deep sleep when you don’t remember? Do you fear not waking up as you sleep? Of course not, there’s no awareness… We know nothing of death and yet billions before you have experienced it. Are you afraid to know what billions of others, the old, the Christians, the Muslims, the Native Indians, the babies, the birds, the dogs and cats? Why?
I like to look at it as a relief… as a goal… this level is over… next level is up, what will it bring? It’s exciting to know… It could be anything. That is exciting to me… and not to be feared. I’ve had both great and horrible times here on earth… if there are more horrible times, so be it… if there are only good times, so be it… who can argue what happens after death? No point fearing… no point prolonging this silly life either…
The point of life for me are those things mentioned above….
What is the point of your life? Living “for God”? Living to make the best of it? Living to help others? He who dies with the most toys wins?
What is the POINT of YOUR life?
25 Comments, Add YOUR comment or Ping
teresa
I so agree with a lot of what you wrote. I choose to look at the universe as a gift from God. I can enjoy being in the moment doing dishes washing the car etc. Even in my unhappy times I can see God with me and I know the saddness will lessen with time. I enjoy the ups and downs of life. We all run the race, some choose to gather toys as they go along. I choose to enoy the moments I have been given of life. If I can make someone happy it gives me joy as well. I can cry with someone who has pain and share their pain. I choose to live life with every pain and tear that it brings. And I know my God, my Creator, stands with me. All of what you have written is in the book of Ecclesiastis in the Bible.
Creator stands with me.
Sep 29th, 2007
Lamine
I am in West Africa, and there we hope to get a surf report before we cross town to get to the beach break at the right time. Unfortunately, here in Africa, a webcam is hard to find and very expensive. In addition, the internet speed is too slow to have a good video feed. So, for me and my friends, the problem was how can we afford a good surf report. That’s when we thought of creating Laplaj.Com. Hence on this site, you can upload photos and text reports directly from a cell phone, assuming the phone has a camera and can send emails. A friend of mine who owns a surf shop near the beach takes a couple of photos every morning and adds a few comments. That way, he keeps us up to date on the local surf… Pretty cool hein! Take advantage of it, the tool is open to all the surf addicts like myself.
Lamine.
Sep 29th, 2007
David
I admire your unshaken opinion about what is the point of life. No doubt, you will live through your life without a second thought or a reminisce about the past that could change your how you made your life style. I do feel that i need to ask you a question though. You seem satisfied with having a “happy” life and consistently refer to life that lacks “happiness” as “suckiness.” I do think that you did state your opinion on the point of life extremely early in this page and finished up this page by stating how to achieve the point of life or fulfill it. Why happiness? I think happiness is grossly overrated because what if we achieve happiness? Then what? More happiness? Isnt it unusual that it causes us so much unhappiness to achieve happiness? Then why even try to achieve happiness if it causes the exact opposite? Even if we do achieve happiness, it fades just like all the other flacid emotion. Mother’s seem to forget that it was their happiest moment in their life when their child was born, when they strike them a few years later. I think that there is more then achieving happiness. I know its not love. I dont find love as a emotion. More of a mental action, that causes emotion. It could make or break your mood. My mother, i think based to much off of love. Once she found out my father was cheating on her, love is the thing that causes her today to be the most unhappy person i know. It has been easily MANY years, and i think thats a sign to not base my life off of love which is simply intangible. Never being able to control the outcome. So whats left? what else could people base the point of life? Religion gives the point of life. Some how, it all leads back to that fucking happiness, telling you to give up stuff that makes you happy to be happy. Perhaps the point of life is to simply go on to the after life. Go to “Heaven” or where ever people would go. I cannot question the after life which simply no one knows about. After life seems to be as true as unicorns and leprachauns. EVERYONE has heard about it and yet no one has ANY proof. No one believes in fairy land creatures and yet a good percentage of the world believes in the gods and after life. What if people just needed to believe in it? If people dont believe in unicorns… no lost there…. but if people do not believe in the after life and simply have no belief in the heaven…. surely this would shaken many people. Im not saying this to question what your doing, because i think you are fortunate to be so sure of your life meaning. I simply write this to ask… no beg you to prove me wrong.
Dec 22nd, 2007
Vern
How can I prove you wrong when I’m not at all sure I’m right? No effort will be made in that direction, sorry to disappoint.
Maybe the point of life is to act as we were wired to act - to increase that which is perceived as pleasurable and decrease that which is perceived as negative. Be in the moment and experience the pleasure when it’s there. Get lost in some other fantasy that brings pleasure when the suck of life arrives in force.
It works for me.
Dec 22nd, 2007
Alessandro
I’ve been thinking about what our purpose in this world is and I’ve just recently started browsing the net to fill that gaping hole to that question. Your entire article it well written and it has definitely given me more things to look at. Best of luck to you!
Jan 20th, 2008
John
I was rather bummed tonight and went searching the net looking for “answers” to the biggest questions in life. I have recently returned from a month of backpacking in Southeast Asia, and I have to agree about what one think he or she needs and what you really need in order to survive. When I first got out of high school a few years ago, I started to experiment with a simplistic lifestyle. I had always had the newest toys, the most expensive gifts on the block, and all of these things was causing me to become OCD. I cared more about my possessions than myself. Going around the world, and seeing how other cultures live, this has reinforced my ideas about materialism and simplicity. I just hope that other Americans can reach the eventual truth that I have reached. Life is short and mostly meaningless. Live cheaply, simply, and treat others as good as you can. Break free from the rat race and embrace the world around you. Become a world citizen. Become something more than you were born to think you could be. Most importantly, just have fun!
Feb 14th, 2008
Jay
I too went to the web for answers to questions that have no answers. I’m 27 and have only begun to understand life. Life is loss and suffering, its amazing and beutiful. I feel like we shouldnt waste life trying to figure it out. I wish I lived life more instead of always trying to catch the train. What is everyone rushing and stressing about? Its so rediculous when you think about it yet I am guilty and so is everyone else. I guess it comes down to reality and the fact that we are all trying to survive in a harsh world. We couldnt even survive out in the elements. Who the fuck knows, not me.
Mar 8th, 2008
Benji_Man
To start with I would like to thankyou for taking the time and effort to write a blog on this issue - let’s face it, we will never come across a single more important question than ‘ What is the point of life?’
I have to admit that I can empathise with almost all of the emotions you have listed and described. However, I strongly beleive in one main concept that somewhat ‘goes against’ what you have said.
In my opinion doing what you personally beleive to be right should come before what makes you, or anyone else for that matter, feel the happiest. I hear you ask ‘ but how can you possibly define what is right? - What makes something right? ‘ Well…
In one word it is love. Not at all the kind of romantic or cheesy love that almost everyone instantly associates with the word. Not the love as in ‘ I LOVE this icecream ‘. Genuine selfless love, the love that gives without accepting anything in return, the love that prohibts a teenager daughter from taking drugs as reasonable forseight sees that addiction is not the answer, the kind of love that is blended perfectly with justice and equality. Love that is patient, forgiving, kind and genuine.
Of course life will ’suck’ at times, we are not perfect ‘lovers’ nor is anyone around us. But image if all of us were completely incapabale of love at all or no-one chose to enact love. The point I am trying to make is - love matters! Love in the most pure sense of the word makes life worth living.
But why Love. Why try and love ‘perfectly’ when of course we will fail and not be appreciated for this love time and time again. Why love when we ourselves are yearning to be loved?
Simply because we HAVE been loved first. Jesus Christ the son of God died on the cross. He wasn’t forced to do it. We did not deserve for him to do it. And - what did he have to gain from his sacrifice….
the very thing we are all craving, LOVE. He died so that we may come to him, that our eyes may be opened, that we may LOVE HIM BACK!
We are made in God’s image. As a result we want love. No - we NEED love. We crave acceptance contentness, pleasure, satisfaction, hope and fufilment. Of course we can get these things without any notion of spirtuality at all - but only temporarily and with many flaws. The true source of love is God. God himself embodies love, justice and power. Will we ever obtain perfect love or be able to give it to our full potential by ourselves - your heart and experience tells you ‘no’. Not a chance. Why? Because we are all born with a God shaped whole in our hearts. That’s Why.
I will not pretend to have anywhere near all the answers. But there is one thing I know, in the words of John Newton - ” I am a great sinner, but Christ is a greater saviour”
I will end with three statements
- Jim Elliot, Christian Martyr: ” He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose ”
- The Bible: ” Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ”
- The Bible ” You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ”
P.S. I could write for many many hours on this subject, but time does not currently permit me to. I will check back with this site regularily and be more than happy to continue disscussion on this matter. If you have been stirred by this comment do not purely analyse Jesus only by how you perceive christians or ‘the christian church’. Go grab a Bible from your local bookstore and start reading the most accurate source of information about his amazing perfect life we have.
Mar 24th, 2008
Vern
Hi Benji, That was an amazing comment. I’m glad you took the time to write. I don’t share your views about anything you said, but I recognize your right to say it.
Because someone doesn’t believe in anything the bible says doesn’t mean at all that they haven’t read it. I’ve read it. Entirely. Twice.
Throughout the years as wisdom accumulates and questioning commences one is (I was) forced to face the facts… whether the bible or any other book hundreds of religions hold as sacred was inspired by a creator of all that we have here - is anyone’s guess. It’s a guess really because there is no proof of it. The same proof you offer the Buddhists, Hindus, and Mormons can offer.
I’ve never been one to believe in faith. Well, wait. As a child I believed on faith - until I started testing things. Questioning. Does faith mean anything to me that I can count on? The answer is, always was, and is presently and likely for the future - no. Faith means nothing to me. To have faith one must believe in something - which I don’t.
Christians, I assume like yourself, put forth this bewildering idea that one must have faith in something that is less tangible than air… There is more to air than there is to the holy spirit, god, or whatever else you want to say has an influence on anything going on in this world.
God, having made us knows well that Vern is incapable of having faith in that which he doesn’t know to exist. In fact, god has gotta know that there are millions of us that couldn’t possibly throw common sense out the window and start believing in stories in a book that is so old and that was influenced by so many powerful figures, and societies over the years.
Even if Vern could. Say Vern could for a few minutes, throw all that he knows as tangible, real, standing up to scrutiny and questioning right out the window and believe that I must accept a ghost as my savior to make all this worthwhile here on earth.
Vern’s next question would be… what of all the other religions claiming similar things? What is to distinguish the christian idea of god and make it more believable? Based on objective facts? There are none. Based on wisdom? There are all kinds of wisdom. Zen Buddhists seem wise sometimes as do Hindu yogis as does President Bush or the corrupt ex-prime minister of Thailand.
Wisdom based on what?
My friend… I don’t share your blind faith. I couldn’t possibly. If I read the bible again in present times I’d be wasting time. But, maybe that is one point of this life… waste enough time and get through it. Something is next.
Problem is, we don’t know what’s next. Don’t believe the fearmongers that tell you damnation awaits the unbeliever. There are too many of them and god made them all if you believe he is who the bible says he is.
God made all the other religions possible as well. If he merely wanted us to choose between right and wrong and choose him over evil thoughts, deeds, and desires then why all the other religions that seem to have as much wisdom about them as christianity does? Why?
Benji there are too many “whys” and not enough answers. In fact, no answers. Just more whys. I’m all why’ed out.
The point to me of this life is just roll through it, helping others as is possible. Enjoying food, enjoying the present moment… enjoying the good moments - the moments that make one feel good and ignoring as much of the pain as possible.
Personally I think something amazing awaits at the end of this ridiculous life.
Nothing at all.
Mar 24th, 2008
Benji_Man
Hello Vern, thankyou for quickly responding to my comment, you are right in the fact that I am a christian and have been for the majority of my life. I would like to respond respectfully to a number of points made by you.
1. There is no proof for christianity.
I am not going to argue this. I will readily admit that I can not prove to you that Jesus was really the Son of God or that Jesus of Nazereth ever existed. I do not base my beleif in him on evidence because I know that all evidence has the potential to be circumstantial and subjective in varying degrees.
2. My faith is ‘blind’
I beleivie passionately that my faith is not ‘blind’. My reasoning for this is as follows…
I view and have viewed many religious and scientific documentaries and conitinually test my faith against these. I, am very careful to have the most unbias standpoint as possible when viewing my spirituality. Take for example the scientific theory of evolution, I accept that there is a good case for evolution and do not see there to be necessarily any conflictions between an interpretation of the bible account (creationism) and the notion of evolutionary progress.
It is an historical fact that there are more textual references to Julius Caesar than Jesus. As I said earlier this does not ‘prove’ anything. The point I am making is that it requires FAITH to beleive that Juliuis Caesar existed.
Blind faith is faith that goes contrary to basic reasoning and has no grounding in reality. In my opinion my faith has, of yet, not gone against any basic reasoning of my own. Then what about the ‘grounding in reality’ you ask?
It is my strong view that all human beings have a soul. We feel complex emotional issues like no other creatures on this planet. You just need to open you eyes to see how very different we are from the animals around us. These differences include the ability to use tools, a higher grade of what we have self defined as ‘intellect’ and many other traits. As sociologists and physcologists will testify the differences don’t end there. In my previous comment I talked a little about our common want to be accepted to such a great extent. To ‘belong’. Where I am heading with this is that genuine emotional ‘evidence’ is something that cannot be refuted scientifically. You can not refute a personal subjective viewpoint related to something as abstract as the soul by providing mearsurements and observations.
My grounding of my faith is my heart. I will talk about this more later. Perhaps in another comment
3. Faith - what is it? Why is it?
This faith I have been talking about is faith for a reason. As you said I can prove God less than the air around me. You don’t need to take a ’step of faith’ when you go to fly a kite on a windy day. You can see the wind, at least it’s effects. You know it is there.
Now imagine for me that you had come from a land where there simply was no wind. At all. It was also a land of immense suffering, torment and hatred. A traveller from a distant land, separated from yours by sea tried to explain this notion of ‘wind’ to you. It was very hard to grasp at first. You thought it was a crazy idea. ‘ Things moving in the air seemingly by themselves, that’s ridiculous! ‘ Now imagine your friend had built a sailing ship, something that required wind to move. He said the land where he came from was full of wind and more than that, it was full of love. But to sail on this ship you needed to board the ship (obviously) and it so happens that the sea around the land you are currently inhabiting is infested with a type of gigantic aquatic creature. This enormous creature eats anything that doesn’t move on the water, in the time period of say 10 hours. You are afraid of course. Living in your land of hurt and torment is of course horrible, but not living at all, that is somehow un-explainably… worse.
You take the step of faith. You board the ship.
When you take the step you are unsure if your friend was really telling you the truth, but something about him intrigued you. He knew what he was talking about. Alot of what he spoke of, although in riddles and rhymes had such a poignant inner meaning.
To you the chance of going to this land of wind, is infinetely better than remainging in the land of turmoil for a few more bitter years then finally stepping into the realm of the unkown. What a purposeless future. You now that if you stay in your current state there honestly is no long term hope.
The boat sybolises faith.
The sea, the journey of a ‘christian’.
Your ‘friend’ is Jesus Christ.
The wind is God.
The land of happiness where suffering does not exist. That Vern, is heaven.
At the start of your ‘journey’, to begin with - you do not have to be sure of something to have faith in it, how can you!?! but you DO need to be willing to take that ‘leap of faith’ and put your trust in it. It is all or nothing. It is a risk. If whatever you ‘put your faith in’, (of course in this case christianity), turns out to be true - then in good time you will indeed be sure of it and certain that it is the hope you are looking for. This principle can be applied to many things in life. Not just christianity. Faith grows stronger!
The saddness of this metaphorical story I have just told you is that the land of desolation actually did have some wind. Here and there it would blow but only in the most subtle of ways, for that is the nature of the wind. The wind wants to be acknowledged earnestly, it does not wish to force itself upon the land of desolation. For love is always a choice. That’s what love is, it is in fact the ‘right’ choice.
3. What makes christianity different?
Grace. G - R - A - C - E. We cannot earn salvation. Our due penalty is death. D - E - A - T - H. That is what, for me, makes the message of the Bible so powerful, every new time I read it I am amazed that holy perfect creator has the exact want I do - The want to be loved out of choice. I will never have evidence for you Vern. But I will have my own experience and emotions. Two things, among many that form my humanity. Faith That is what it comes down to. And he was willing to sacrifice his only son to this means.
wow.
:D
Mar 25th, 2008
Benji_Man
with my last comment… that was supposed to be ‘ LESS textual references to Julius Caesar than Jesus ‘ Sorry guys :P :D
Mar 25th, 2008
Marko Drobac
I’ll tell you what I think of you and then leave my own comment in all honesty. I don’t agree with much that you have said. You are forewarned.
You are hopeless. You can’t find any point to it, so you just “roll through it, waste time, and help others along the way.” You are afraid of disappointment and pain. I think that disappointment and pain is just another part of life and shying away from it takes away from the overall experience.
The point of life is to be happy, and to be happy we must experience as much as possible. By experiencing, I mean making friends, visiting new places, setting new goals and accomplishing them, surviving, all the “attachments,” as you say that make up life. Life is something to be embraced, not detached from. Everything. Even the pain. So that once you die you and you are on your deathbed, you can say: “I have squeezed as much living from my years, and wasted as little of it as possible, so now I can die content.”
Life is amazing, we should be thankful that it has been given to us, and to want to live as much as we can before we have to leave it.
Nobody knows what there is after we die. You’ll know that when you die, or perhaps you won’t know anything either way! I’m just saying that to look at life from such a defeatist perspective takes away from the experiences awaiting just outside the door. Hardship is just another part of it, and, from your article, you seem to fear it.
Concerning happiness being lost once it is gained, this is not the case with true happiness. It is not “I’ve beat you in a chess game” happiness, but, as I said, “I’ve lived my life,” happiness.
I live under this idea here, and I’d like to hear your take on it. Until you come up with a hole in my reasoning, I will believe in mine.
Mar 26th, 2008
James
The point of life IS life. Eventually, the Universe itself will die. Death is so incredibly, monstrously powerful that nothing can stand in its way. And yet, that is our purpose. To be bright, shining lights of hope and life and BEING in an effort to stall the doom we all face.
Apr 17th, 2008
Vern
This came to me through email. I told the writer I’d post it because it required a serious undertaking to respond…
Hi,
I entered the words “point of life” in Google late this evening / early morning in the hope I would find the answer or alternatively (in an ideal world) for a spiritual guide to interact with me and tell me what I should be doing in life to make the most and get the best out of life.
I used to think being in a relationship would help me in my journey of life, especially after my previous relationship which ended abruptly so my ex could chase a career supposedly anyway. I was of the thinking because I thought being in a relationship meant you always had someone there to share things with, be totally open and personal with another human who would equally trust you and want to experience life with you. That was my thinking nearly 20 months ago I was a few months into my 25th year on this planet then and now aged 27 I am not quite sure.
Why am I not sure? Well I met her, a beautiful , young, like minded lady. Suddenly I wanted to work , accumulate wealth to provide us with life’s temporary pleasures as well with a view to future commitment i.e. engagement then marriage.
So in the past 20 months, I have had 4 different jobs all of which are in the sector I enjoy , what I was taught when I was 20yrs old but due to a) lack of job progression b) insecurity and jealous of colleagues c) lack of salary and d) lack of satisfaction I left each job. Thereafter I was employed by an organisation on a contract where I could earn a lot of money quickly – could this be the answer to my problem , be the position to get me out low level debt, enable me to save some money and finally get engaged?? Nooooooooo, unfortunately I had been employed by a company to perform a role where I could do 80% of the job but not the 20% I told them I had no experience with, so lady luck or whatever we call it decided that 20% was more important than the 80% and moreover they were not willing to teach me the ropes so once again I resigned because I could not meet deadlines and perform the job to their expectation.
Sorry to go off the subject but I just read on your blog you hate emotional and small talk, anyway as I don’t know I decide to share the past 2 months of my life with you in the hope you may miraculously give me the answer I need. What am I doing with my life? What do I want out of my life?
I have never chased wealth or a career. The work I used to do I fell into by pure coincidence and really enjoyed doing it. Now the backbiting and bitching and hierarchical structures of organisations bore me because the majority of people are fake, just there to earn a living like me but some are there to make people’s lives a misery for no reason unlike me.
I am currently looking for another job but I don’t think that will be the answer to my question. Sure it will provide an income to pay for things that are supposedly meant to make me happy but that is just temporary.
A few years ago I came across the Hare Krishna’s , I saw the way they lived, read their philosophies and teachings and even attended their temples. Where I found a profound and ultimate source of energy, enthusiasm and enlightenment. Suddenly I remember thinking, see it’s not all about money, or getting married or being a CEO. It was free to attend their temples and see them worship and to get involved and that gave me a deep feeling of security and happiness which was priceless.
Thereafter I met my beautiful lady, I haven’t been back to temple since, been caught in the material world ( as the hare krishnas refer to it) and although I have had some great experiences in the last 20 months one thought that has recurred over and over is “is she the one?” “can i see myself with her” “do I want this”
Is it a relationship, career , wealth or happiness I seek or satisfaction. I think the latter 2 are the most important to me but I am hopeless in achieving them.
Also I don’t even have any friends, the old ones moved on or away, I was heavily involved with drugs as a teenager and then aged 20 as I got out of that I found all my so called friends left at the same time. I do only smoke cigarettes now and don’t even drink because I no longer gain satisfaction from being intoxicated unlike my teenage years, so for 8 years I have just been on the cigarettes, which I hate but do not know how I would cope with lives stresses and complications if I quit smoking. Not that they help much anyway J.
I wrote this to you as mentioned above perhaps hoping I would gain guidance – who knows? That said, surely I am the only one who can guide me to get what I want out of life. I suppose I have the choice of enjoying my existence or spend it worrying and procrastinating. I just wish I knew which way to turn. Do you ever seek guidance from people? Need guidance? Question your choices?
Rest assured I really enjoyed looking through and reading your blog I will certainly keep up to date with it.
Sorry to bore you with small talk and emotional talk, I tried cutting it short after re reading your blog and seeing its something you don’t like.
It would be great to hear from you,
Dave (I’ll call him Dave because I need to call him something!)
Jul 1st, 2008
Vern
Hi Dave,
Thanks for writing - that was some note! I get notes like this sometimes and I’ve responded in the past but it takes a lot of effort and writing and I thought it’s best to respond at the blog so others might get something out of it too. These are really common questions as people realize they aren’t living the ideal life…
“Your questions were: What am I doing with my life? What do I want out of my life? What I should be doing in life to make the most and get the best out of life. Is it a relationship, career , wealth or happiness I seek or satisfaction. I think the latter 2 are the most important to me but I am hopeless in achieving them. I wrote this to you as mentioned above perhaps hoping I would gain guidance – who knows? That said, surely I am the only one who can guide me to get what I want out of life. I just wish I knew which way to turn.”
Do you ever seek guidance from people? Need guidance? Question your choices?
Well - these last 3 questions are the easiest to answer.
1. Seek guidance? Not from anyone I know, but from books and internet blogs I read I’m inspired by certain things. I don’t take advice from others. What I mean is… I listen. I evaluate it - run it through the computer (mind) - and see if any of it pops out true for me. I’m really self directed.
2. Need guidance? Sure - that would be amazing to meet someone who intrinsically just knew what I needed… But that person doesn’t exist. At least, I’m not looking.
3. Question my choices? Yes, all choices I make are questioned many different times. And you know what? Some of the choices are still really bad ones. Why is that? That’s life. You can’t control all outcomes. You can’t guess all outcomes. Choices go awry sometimes. Hindsight is the best teacher, but still - many times things are outside one’s control and no sense worrying about those things.
While I don’t feel comfortable telling anyone what they should do with their life or what the point of life is for them - I don’t mind responding because you’ll know - your life, your choices, what you’re doing is infinitely more important than what I could suggest or tell you to do.
First - drugs, cigarettes, alcohol. My immediate reaction is… so what? At some point someone told you that those things were bad for you and you shouldn’t do them. You internalized that idea and now you can’t feel okay with doing them. Personally I don’t believe drugs or alcohol is the answer. I’ve tried pot a couple times and it did what it was supposed to, but I realized I wasn’t really in control of me. What fun is that? I didn’t enjoy it. Other drugs are just way too harsh and I was never that curious to try anything else. Cigarettes? I’m fascinated by people that are stuck on cigarettes because to me it seems the most ridiculous thing to light something that burns and inhale the smoke - all the while smelling badly and having all the negative effects that it does. Overall though - it’s neither here nor there. What is the point of smoking? Ask yourself that - and get an answer, before you ask about what is the point of life… It’s an easier question anyway.
Relationships - wow. I’m not one to ask about those - but in a sense I am. I’ve had 3 marriages that all failed tragically. Yes I pick the wrong people for me. No, I wasn’t ready each time I thought I was.
Do I still believe that marriage is required for a happy life? Nah. A close relationship is wonderful though. I have been with the same girl here in Thailand for two years now and even though there are many girls here that would love to go out with an American guy - it’s very easy to ignore them because, finally at 40 years old I realized that sexually based relationships are losers. I just don’t get anything out of them now. Ask me 10 years ago what I thought - and the answer would have been much different. Now as I get into my 40’s - I realize that enjoying sex with a new person isn’t anything special. It’s just something that totally lost it’s appeal over the last couple years. Why is that? I met the girl that I wish I would have met 30 years ago. Yeah, I’d have dated her at 12 years old. She is so amazing that words don’t cut it. You’d need to meet her. The thought of not having her around just doesn’t come up. She is it. The one. I couldn’t have known the difference between her and the 75 other relationships I’ve had over my life until now. At some point you’ll reach this point and it becomes crystal clear if the one you’re with is the ONE. If not - no worries, maybe you don’t even need to have a close relationship. If you have no friends though - it would be a safe bet to say you need SOMEONE to be close to you. The need for affiliation is a human need. It’s very basic. It needs filled. Whether you fill it with friends or a wife or one friend - up to you. Most likely you need it. I meet monks here in Thailand that are craving real friendship. Some pass me their phone numbers or ask for mine. They just want to talk to someone real. Someone that they could call friend. Buddhist monks don’t have those kinds of relationships with each other and their forbidden with others… so, are you a monk that could live in a cave for 13 years? I doubt it. Friends or a relationship are both good ideas.
The ultimate relationship? Don’t ever think you’ve found the ultimate because as you get older - you’ll realize - you haven’t. The ultimate relship doesn’t exist for years and years until you settle down. I think that must be the same for most people. You wouldn’t know for a long, long time what the ultimate is until you have it and realize that you enjoy spending time with the girl. You enjoy doing nothing. You enjoy sharing everything with her. She enjoys you as much. You can go through most days without grating on each other’s nerves and you can’t imagine life any other way. If you can imagine life some other way - or with some other girl, you aren’t ready for marriage yet.
Don’t fight it if you’re not ready. What’s the point? You’re getting older? Family pressure? So what. Live your life as you wish. There’s nobody in the entire world that cares about your life as much as you do and that is looking out for all of your happiness. Don’t live for your family and don’t live for society.
Hare Krishnas… well, I went to some of their meetings. They definitely are a joyful group, aren’t they? They masqueraded as some other group and didn’t tell me it was the HK group until I realized it at the first meeting. It was fun anyway. I didn’t have any hangups about who they were and though it was fun and they welcomed me like a brother - there was something eery about it.
Research a LOT if you ever consider going back to them… look at both sides. There are horror stories about it - like every other cult. But you know what? There are people happily living their lives out as HKs and they aren’t doing much harm in the world that I can see. Someone else might see differently. Of course it’s your own choice to join any group. If it makes you happy and the happiness can last over a lifetime - great. That might just be the ticket. It’s not right for me - I’ve decided that years ago. It seems to be fulfilling enough for others though.
I think you said it right when you said only you can guide you to what you want to get out of life… Your search for the truth for YOU is the most important search. Yeah, look at what everyone else is doing and then try things for you. Try everything you want. Life is a big experiment that you should be testing everyday to find out what is good for you - what works, what doesn’t work. Don’t worry about whether your family or even you think it’s Okay - if you want to do it - do it. See what happens. Tradition and past beliefs influence what we do in the present and future so much - if you can ignore all that background noise you’ll be more open to new experiences that go against what feels natural, normal, or acceptable to you.
Here are your questions again…
“What am I doing with my life?”
- I wouldn’t have any idea here.
“What do I want out of my life?
-Again, not sure.
“What I should be doing in life to make the most and get the best out of life. Is it a relationship, career , wealth or happiness I seek or satisfaction. I think the latter 2 are the most important to me but I am hopeless in achieving them.”
- Relationships can be part of the satisfaction and happiness of life - and they can be severe stressors. It’s impossible for some to put a close relationship idea on the back burner and dedicate time to finding out about ’self’, but ideally everyone would. Happiness is much more important than career or wealth. Society tells you career and wealth are the goal. Your mind tells you - happiness is the goal. Your mind tries to make it all work so you can be the ideal human being… Career and wealth clearly aren’t necessary parts of that equation.
“I wrote this to you as mentioned above perhaps hoping I would gain guidance – who knows? That said, surely I am the only one who can guide me to get what I want out of life. I just wish I knew which way to turn.”
Why not turn inward? Question everything you believe in and maybe go to Barnes & Noble to find this book, “Think on These Things. Jiddu Krishnamurti.” This book helped me a lot when I was going through the beginning of my search for the truth about what is important in life.
And, turn outward. Read as much as you can about topics that are important to you… life happiness, career, relationships… Talk to some old people. Old people are remarkably wise. Remember hindsight? With hindsight a LOT becomes clear.
Remember, everything is Okay… Short of hurting people or yourself, everything is Okay. Once you find your balance and are happy with what you’re doing then you can aim higher. Or not. Not everyone is Tony Robbins or Steve Pavlina. Not everyone is aiming for the moon. A lot of people just find a niche in life and live it with the most extreme happiness, not craving more. What’s wrong with that?
For me personally meditation and learning about eastern philosophy in general has helped me a great deal. Living in another culture here in Thailand for almost four years has also helped immeasurably to increase my worldview and help me to see what is important in my life. Having screwed up many things in the past - and having really lived life by doing everything I could - experiencing everything I could has helped me a lot too. Hindsight has been my best teacher.
This blog is about aiming for an awesome life experience. WHAT that is in your life is up to you. It need not be what others consider awesome, just you.
I hope I gave you some things to think about. Thanks for making me think about them too!
Best of Life,
Vern
Jul 2nd, 2008
addy1790
i also have to agree with some of the things that youve said. i also think that suffering has a point. if suffering didnt exist or we were to detach from suffering, we’d never learn, never grow, never find out who we are, and never find our way. dont get me wrong im not saying that permanent suffering is a good thing, i just think that suffering is necessary to open our eyes, to wake us up, to tell us that this life is real. suffering is necessary i think for us to take action, to test us, for us to discover another layer of ourselves. just a thought
Jul 22nd, 2008
Duff
Thanks for this post. You’re obviously speaking from the heart, and are a sincere practitioner.
Your experience with attaining the shamatha jhanas in 10 months is inspiring. My concentration tends to suck no matter how much I practice it. Have you been on many retreats?
I hope you don’t mind if I add my opinions to your article here. I’d love to engage with you in a dialogue, from the practitioner’s perspective, free from any dogma.
There are many enlightened beings now and in the past–that is, if you have an attainable model of enlightenment. Unfortunately Westerners don’t typically speak so openly of their attainments, which leads people to think that there aren’t any enlightened folks, or that it means something that it doesn’t. Daniel Ingram is enlightened. So is Jack Kornfield. And they will both say that they are.
But any state can’t possibly be “it,” because states change, just like sensations arise and pass. This includes states of deep peace, complete absorption, bodily bliss, desire, desirelessness, and equanimity. This includes all 8 shamatha jhanas. The jhanas arise, stay for awhile, and then go away. This is deeply unsatisfying, no? Is there anything that lasts?
I think there is, based on what other practitioners and dharma friends have told me. It seems to me that enlightenment as a model that’s actually attainable is more of a permanent identity shift than anything else. There’s also a parami model that posits the goal as more being about the development of good qualities, which I like as a way of living, but you are right in that the development of concentration and insight are not necessarily precluded by the development of morality.
Realization is beyond any state whatsoever. It is a permanent change, but not a permanent state. It’s a trait, not a state. Yes, there are highs and lows after enlightenment. Yes, enlightened people bodyboard, have sex, get angry, and everything else. Really it’s easier to speak of what enlightenment isn’t than what it is. I highly recommend reading Daniel Ingram’s wonderful article on what being enlightened isn’t here: http://interactivebuddha.com/arahats.shtml
I also encourage you to check out the Buddhist Geeks podcast, read Daniel Ingram’s book, or come over to the Dharma Overground and discuss these types of practice concerns with other hardcore dharma practioners like myself. These questions have been covered again and again by young, dedicated meditators and seekers like yourself.
In my opinion and from what I’ve read from Ingram and Kornfield, the jhanas are wonderful, but don’t necessarily lead to insight or a fundamental shift of identity to that of no-self. Concentraion is different from insight, although the two tend to merge together and depend on each other to some extent. Great work with mastering the jhanas though! My concentration tends to suck compared to my equanimity no matter how much I practice.
Enlightenment doesn’t necessarily answer questions of existential purpose either. Your intellectual-philosophical framework has a lot to do with how you answer that question. The stage of insight you are in also colors your answer to the question. This article seems to have been written from a dark night stage. When I’m cycling through the dark night, I too question the meaning of everything.
By the way, I encourage your questioning of all the teachings. There’s a lot of bullshit dogma in old texts, and especially in the east. Especially the morality of buddhist writings is usually stuck at a conventional stage. Western academic philosophy does a MUCH better job at that.
Jul 23rd, 2008
Chase
I really think you sir, need to stop giving things so much thought. You’ll drive yourself nuts.
Sep 9th, 2008
Amari Traae
hi, your blog is very intersting. i have been thinking about this question along time, 4 years in fact, only recently have i been asking people and finding out on the net what the point of life is. i have recently written a book may i say still yet to be published although i have been sending my work round but i have had no luck. my book is about life and going through love throught hate through problems, giving the reader a sence of relation and thought to my work. my book trys to portray life as it is and what is should be and thats definatly not what it is now. hope your not lost while reading. my new book carries on although in a different style it is trying to approach the thought of life as it goes through documenting life, people, thoughts and just mainly everything i see. i admire you thinking and i am happy to say you are great at it but there is one thing i disagree with and thats religion, this is like the goverment, its control and its a system. i asked my colse friend today what is the point of life, ok, anyone can ask a freind but still he is alot more older than me and has done alot of studying… his answer to my question was to pro-create. true to an exstent but its what they say in the bible its what the say in relifion itself. our means to procreate have been a abused and its so sick really… what is the point. thank you for your thoughts above. i hope you could email me back maybe we could talk more. take care hope to hear from you soon.
Regars Amari
Sep 12th, 2008
thomas
so ive read everything on this page that you wrote and alot of it sounds like i would be saying it like being self directed and what not. but really all i need to know is how do you get over the things in life that disappoint you or get your hopes up or whatever. i dont have that peace of mind you had where you dont want things but its not the physical things i cant have its the way people are n what they do. how do i get over having something big planned and it all go down the fuckin drain. and i think if i could figure that out then id be good. cuz im not sure about god ill figure that out when i die or when he comes back.
Nov 24th, 2008
Vern
Hi Thomas, great question… When I was younger - say, before 30 and I hadn’t meditated at all I would always get really excited and attached to the idea that something was GOING TO HAPPEN if it was planned. I usually tried my best to make it happen. Often times - they happened. Other times - yeah, it all goes down the drain and you stand there shaking your head wondering what DID I DO WRONG? WHY did this happen? Well - the why is a mystery usually. Someone else didn’t want it to happen as badly as you did. Something wasn’t done RIGHT enough that it happened. Some piece of the puzzle was missing or not in your control and it didn’t cooperate. That’s life. Shi* happens. It happens often.
So - sometimes you know what happened and sometimes not. You know what you ALWAYS can control though? Your outlook on the event. Since meditating I became really aware that I control almost NOTHING entirely. I can’t possibly keep getting attached to the idea that something is going to work out. I’ve gone through 3 marriages. You know what? I don’t have any idea in my mind that a marriage in the future is going to work out. I don’t attach to ANY idea any more as permanent or definitely going to happen.
I may get an email from someone I’ve been bidding on a job for. Maybe it’s for $5,000 USD. The woman says, “You got the job, can you start tomorrow on it? We’ll transfer $2,500 to your Paypal account and get started.” I don’t get excited. Why? I’ve had things like this happen in my life - and they go nowehere at all. Disappointment REALLY sucks. I see by your comment you understand that. How do you get over it? Cry like a baby into a pillow and buy a heavy bag to beat the hell out of until you get over it. Getting over things takes time and a LOT of energy. WAY TOO MUCH energy for me to expend anymore. I’m done with disappointment. I no longer anticipate anything at all. I take anything that happens - or that is planned with a grain of salt. In my mind - whatever it is - is a non-event. If something great that I planned on happens - WOW. Awesome. If not - it doesn’t affect me negatively because I never got attached to the idea that it would.
I love my girlfriend here in Thailand more than any person I’ve ever loved. That’s definite. Now, if she left tomorrow because she met another guy that she really feels 100% with I would cry for a day, 2. I’d move on. I’ve already accepted the idea that this relationship may not work. I’d like it to work - continue to work for a very, very long time. If it doesn’t - that’s life and I’m smart enough to not keep disappointing myself with things that don’t work out.
So - the answer on how to recover - is to give it time and scream it the hell out of you. Get everything out and be pissed off for a week or whatever. But, tell yourself that whole week that you won’t get attached to ANYTHING like that again because the pain is just too much to keep putting yourself through.
Some things WILL work out for you. Enjoy those things everyday you have them. I enjoy my relationship every single day - often when we’re together I think - this is the best relationship in my life… and I enjoy the time we spend - I really FEEL IT in the present. I don’t think about it in the future. I don’t plan 3 kids and a house and vacations - I plan today, no further. Anything can happen tomorrow - and it does.
If you can make that one adjustment in your mind - know that you don’t control life and can’t possibly get all attached to some idea that might go *POOF* and disappear before your eyes.
Good luck with all of it - life is really a blast - yes?
Nov 24th, 2008
andy
ive just read all of this blog took me a while. i allways asked or wondered about the question ” ” because at 22 i just feel bored with life ive been through 4 countries 15 shcools traveling with my dad lived in buses caravans
ECT. moved back with my mum at 14, finished shcool and moved to spain ive been here for 5 yrs and i still dont know what im doing with my life Its got to the piont that i dont even go out anymore. i try to enjoy myself but it does’nt solve it whats missing in my life if there is a god then he’s not an arcutect and the bible is a rule book more than anything. ps i admire your way of thought your views make a lot of sence thank u for this blog.unlike benji who thinks the answer is some five letter word who nobody actualy understands the meaning(faith)!! i supose i need peace of mind but how
Dec 28th, 2008
Vern
Hi Andy,
Peace of mind… yeah, I think that’s what we all need - to come to some sort of place in our mind where we can say - “OK, I have no idea factually what happened in the world to create such a complex problem - a complex existence… but, I can do such and such with my life and be OK.”
For myself I found a lot of peace in Thailand. I was able to drop much of what was stressing me in the USA and think a lot about life and what it means to me. As I’ve said in some other posts I think the main point of my life is helping others. I can’t deny that makes me feel the best. My life is stable now - in the midst of a hurricane - but, stable. I can use that place I’m in to help others when, how I can. It’s really a kick and gives meaning where none existed before.
Everyone’s on their own path though Andy - you might find meaning in something else entirely. Don’t think at 22 yrs old you need to know what you’re doing with your life… what you’re doing can change many times throughout your life… what you’re doing right now - is trying to figure out what you’re doing. So - do that. Read a lot. Write a lot if you’re into it. Think a lot. Figure it out on your own - you don’t need others to figure it out for you - but, by reading and seeing others’ experiences you might get a clue which direction to go to find the truth for you.
Might be the truth for a year. A decade? Or, if you’re like me - it might change many times over your life.
:) I think you’re in a good spot.
Dec 28th, 2008
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