I was just thinking about things that don’t really matter to me. I identify with very little that most people identify with. I’m someone that you would find ‘odd’ after a little while. Nothing really odd in my personality, in the way I relate to other people socially or anything like that. But I’m not like other people you know. I know this because I have a friend named Dave that used to ask me questions I didn’t know the answers to. “Can you name 3 pro football teams?” or, “Do you know who Christina Aguillara is?“. To all questions of this nature my answer was usually a very truthful, “No.”

[ad#aim468x15anywhere]

After going from high school in a small Pennsylvania town to the Air Force and stationed in Hawaii for four years something really changed in me. I started to become who I am today.

I’m just odd. Let me show you. These are some things that don’t matter to me at all…

Birthdays, religious holidays, national holidays, anniversaries, leap years, new year.

The celebration part of getting married… the ceremony and all the external fluff that goes on as two people decide to live together forever.

Tradition. I don’t understand tradition and doing things because they were done in the past and because they were/are important to other people. I can’t think of a tradition that’s important to me. I don’t celebrate New Years, Thanksgiving, Halloween, or anything like that. I don’t celebrate any smaller traditions that people seem to collect over the years like wanting to go to a certain place every year on a certain day. I don’t commemorate anyone’s death because it occurred 365, 730, 1095 days or any number of days, hours, years or decades.

Television, talk radio, any other personalities, sports pros, motivational speakers, gurus, presidents, web personalities. There’s nothing like this that I follow. I don’t watch TV and haven’t for years. Radio – nope. I don’t idolize anyone. I don’t follow someone’s career or day to day doings. I don’t follow CNN, or anything else regularly. It’s all a non-issue. I don’t get anything out of following these things. I’m not a better person for having experienced it, so I don’t bother. In fact, I think TV is dangerous to the mind.

Wearing jewelry, having tattoos, wearing a watch, having hair, being thin or heavy or white or tanned. I’ve written previously about this here.

Wearing clothes that cost more than $30 per year. Most years I spend under that. I don’t enjoy when someone buys me clothes that are more expensive than what I always wear. What’s the point? Who am I trying to impress? The one thing I wear that is more than it could be is my sport sandals which are about $60 usd. They’ve lasted three years now and I’ve had them fixed once. Not sure they can be fixed again – but I’m going to try. The rubber has worn really thin but I think I can make it another 6 months on them if the guy can sew the layers of rubber together again.

[ad#aim468x15anywhere]

What I eat. I can eat the same breakfast or lunch for weeks and months at a time. And have. I just don’t have this idea in my mind that it needs to be different. If it’s good – it’s always good. It’s good everyday, it doesn’t change. The food is the same – how can it be good one day and not good another day? I’m easy to take to lunch because almost anything goes.

Politics. When I posted the Barack Obama post the other day I did so because I found him interesting as a person. He is quite a contrast to the old white farts that have been in office as US President before. I find nothing interesting about anything he might say about politics or who won the election.

War. War will happen between nations the same as it happens between people. The ego seems to be the reason for it all. Whether Americans or Iraqi’s or Germans are dying – makes no difference to me – it’s all a horrible thing. But you know what? To me it makes no sense to fight for anything physically in a country far away from mine unless someone has physically attacked my country and I’m retaliating.

My sense of vengeance is rather strong. It’s huge really. Wrong me in a way that really devastates me and if I can still move I’ll destroy everything you know. Why do smart men and women voluntarily go to war because of a threat someone else tells them about? Tradition and the respect of their friends and family, and even strangers. Some of those that go to war voluntarily will die. I’d be concerned if they were going involuntarily – to me, that would be really wrong.

Respect. I don’t need to know that someone else likes or respects me. With the exception of very few people in my life I don’t care what anyone thinks about me. This is a bizarre thing I realize, but I am quite OK with how I am and I’m not concerned in the least if someone doesn’t understand my decisions, or actions. I waste little time trying to explain to get them on my ‘side’.

Nationalism. Teams. Any Group. I don’t identify with some group. I don’t feel for it. I don’t feel like I’m white. I don’t feel like an American. I don’t feel like a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, though I used to think I was when I was 18. I don’t feel like anything that I’m a part of is more important than anything anyone else is a part of. I don’t think the USA is the greatest country because I grew up there and most of the people I like and know are there. I don’t think that because I meditate I am any better than someone who prays. I haven’t cared who won a sporting match since I watched football in high school at home in Pennsylvania.

These make no difference in my mind at all. I don’t concern myself with things like that. I have friends and family members that are NUTS about sports and politics. It doesn’t make me want to care about those things. Let them care – up to them. What is it to me? Nothing at all.

Name calling. Cussing at me. How someone is talking to me – whether they are emotional and using cuss words with me doesn’t affect me at all. To some people certain words are felt more to them. With me – no. I don’t feel any different when someone calls me a name or yells about something I’ve done. I feel it, yes. Don’t get me wrong – but I feel the fear that it might escalate to a physical fight, or else just the stress of having the argument at all. If someone calls me the worst thing you can think of in your mind it doesn’t affect me any more than would, “idiot” or something else considered by most as innocuous. I know what I am. If I am the thing that you said, I already know and there’s no reaction inside. If not, I know that too.

The past. I have experienced a lot in the past. I know only because I remember it. Is it affecting me right this moment? No. Has it led to where I am today?

Of course, it seems that everyone’s past has lead them to where they are in the present. But, what is gained by looking at it? What is gained by thinking much about it at all? Memory helps us avoid future mistakes and helps guide us in being more intelligent about choices we make for the future. I find myself thinking very little about the past and much more about right now. What can I do in the next 5 minutes. What can I do today? What can I do in a week? I never ask myself – What can I do last week? Nothing. I can’t do a damn thing – so why ask that question?

Living and dying. If I haven’t lost you already this one should do it. I don’t have any more inclination to live than to die. Now, this is not to say that when faced with a painful death that I wouldn’t be afraid at that moment – I know I would still feel fear. Fear won’t ever leave this mind because it’s part of the rules. Everyone feels it. Can it go away totally? I think so, but for me – not yet.

Ask me as I’m sitting on the floor comfortably where I live if it matters at all to live or die and I’ll answer, “no”. It doesn’t matter at all. Ask me if I want to be kept alive longer than I would live if I have cancer or something else. The answer is, “no”. Ask me if I want electronic respirators, blood transfusions, mouth to mouth resuscitation or chemo and I will say simply, “no”. What I would want is something to take pain away if it’s interfering with me interacting with people while I die or if it’s too much to handle. Yes, I want that.

Do I want to live longer as a result of some effort from someone? NO, I DON”T WANT THAT. When it’s time to go it’s time to go. That must be the most incredible experience and one that I don’t want anyone on earth delaying. Everything here is subject to cycles. Part of the cycle of me is death – how can one interfere with that. I don’t ‘get it’ and I don’t want it.

shirt = 250 baht ($7) four years ago.
shorts = 100 baht ($3) two weeks ago
socks = 40 baht ($1.15) three years ago
new balance running shoes = 400 baht used, ($12) six months ago

Peace of mind as a result of being weird, odd, strange or mental?

Priceless.

[ad#aim468x15anywhere]

Related posts:

1. Want to Start Running? (A plan complete with mental gymnastics)
2. Connect with Vern at LinkedIn
3. 8 Random Info Chunks about Vern…
4. Baby Care Tips by Vern