The problem with competitive sports…

As you get into your thirties and forties you might reach a point like I did where you realize that competition is stressing you out more than it’s enriching your life. What I mean is…

When I was in my twenties I did a lot of running races, bicycle racing and some biathlons and triathlons. I did pretty well considering I was studying full time at the university and doing practicums and working part to full time during those years. I would typically come in the top group of amateur finishers. On occasion I’d get 1st or 2nd in my age-group which was nice. I considered trying to make the transition into full-time triathlete but I really didn’t have the resources in place to do it. I really wanted to finish my degrees as I thought they were the most important thing to accomplish in my life. If you ask me now, were they? I’d have to say, no - there were many other things I could have done instead. Such is hindsight.

During my twenties I played competitive racquetball, tennis, basketball, volleyball, ran, swam, and biked. I enjoyed some success and competition was always fun to me. I’d not win everything - my younger brother would delight in telling you that. He’d destroy me in tennis and to help me get through a match he’d let me get a few points here and there. How sick is that for a brother to do?

I’ve always felt the need to punish myself during exercise. While running or biking for instance, if I had the smallest, flitting thought that it might be difficult to run up the hill in front of me instead of go the other way around it - I’d make myself run up it, and fast too. I always force myself to do what the mind doesn’t want to do. I enjoy that for some twisted reason - forcing the body to do what the mind doesn’t want to do.

During competition it’s easy to push yourself because there are others you can measure yourself against and set goals during the race to beat them. Competition drives us to excel from outside ourselves.

When I got into my thirties I ran less. Biked less. I competed much less. When I did compete I’d notice that occasionally there was a teenager blowing by me on the run. Perhaps a woman that passed me during the first couple miles of a run. Sometimes it was an older guy. Sure, these people were in amazing shape and had worked their ass off to get there. But in my mind I had no right competing at all if I was going to be bested by teens, ladies and old men. It just wasn’t my idea of competition. Instead of feeling good about a race I started to think - what’s the point? I could run 6 miles anywhere I chose - why do it here in front of all these people that could see a 14 year old run faster over 6 miles than me?

So began a foray into the non-competitive sports. I took up mountain biking instead of road racing. I ran through the woods instead of at the track or at races or with groups of people. I began hiking up some of the more difficult ridge hikes on Oahu. I didn’t crave competition as much - except in beach volleyball where I persisted for a number of years before finally dropping out of the competitive two on two tournaments and settling for pick-up games of 6 players at the beach with anyone that wanted to play. Volleyball became a way to pass the time, recreation instead of a serious competition. Running, cycling, swimming, all sports became the same thing - recreation.

The thing about competition is, there’s always a loser. Frequently there are two losers. For me, it wasn’t just about being able to beat someone in a game or a race, it was as much about being able to pull out the absolute peak performance from me while doing it. If I raced badly and still won - what was I going to celebrate? Beating a bunch of people that couldn’t beat me on a bad day? If I played racquetball 70% great and 30% slop and beat my opponent (friend), then I may feel good, I may not. In my mind the 30% slop would haunt me because I’d know I needed to eliminate that part of my game in order to be a perfect player.

Competition while you’re very young - under 30 seems like a good thing. At least the losing doesn’t bother you much when it happens.

After virtually stopping competitive activities there was always this nagging need inside to punish my body with strenuous effort. Since I wasn’t competing with anyone else I competed with myself. I made myself the ultimate opponent.

Competition in later years is best done with yourself. Against the clock and against your mind. Why? You’re always a winner.

The exercise I do now is mostly walking and running up some steps. I don’t do it against a group of people, but recently the few guys I know that go up often started comparing times. I got sucked in. The top guy, Sven, a 32 year old from Switzerland was getting to the top in 12:15. I seemed to be stuck at 12:30. Another friend, Jim (49 yrs?) from England was at 14:30 and Joe from England, 31 years old was at 13:30. It took me a few tries, but finally I beat Sven at the time of 12:01. It damn near killed me too!

Out of the blue I get an email from my French friend, Charles. He claims he has a friend from France here in Thailand on vacation in his early 30’s that’s doing it in 10:45. I was amazed. I’d been up and down that mountain 280 times as of yesterday, and I can’t see how I could possibly take another second off my time. I demanded to see photos of the guy. Charles sent back photos of the new champion - a 30 year old that weighed about 50Kg (122lbs) in a racing singlet. I felt better about losing the championship status to someone that was 40+ pounds lighter than me, but still it hurt. Competition hurts.

For a few minutes after hearing about the new record I thought the time was impossible. Then I accepted it. Then I resigned to beat that time. Then I came back to reality. How was I going to shave 75 seconds off my time? Lose 40 pounds? Nah. I decided to counter this recent threat by creating new categories for the competition.

Categories:

• Best time from each country.
• Best time for age groups
• Best time wearing a backpack with 10 lbs (I usually have my computer, camera and other equipment with me)
• Best time up AND down
• Best time up and down and up and down (twice).
• Best time up and down thrice.
• Best time up during a rainstorm.
• Best time up before 11 am (hottest time, most sun directly on steps).
• Best time by weight class. Super flyweight 120lbs and less. Thin folks 121-160lbs. Normal folks 161-181. Large folks 182-202. Clydesdales, 203+.

See - now I’m a winner any of nine ways.

Competition as a loser generally sucks, even for a winner it’s often not all that great an experience. As much as you want to say, “It wasn’t the game, it was the playing that I enjoyed….” It’s much more fun over time NOT to compete and just push yourself to be all you can be. At least for me it’s becoming that way as I head toward mid-forties. More about how I push myself while exercising coming soon.

Best of Life!

Vern

I frequently get asked a question by new friends and old friends once they realize it.

“Why don’t you wear any jewelry or even a watch?”

I’ve got this idea in my head that jewelry, watches, hair, clothes and tattoos don’t add anything to “me” that I want added to me. Like shaving my head… hair adds a dimension I don’t need to deal with. Nothing positive comes out of having a head of hair. It pulls my attention toward something that doesn’t make a bit of difference in my life - strands of shiny protein growing like wild weeds on my head. Could I keep them tamed down enough to fit into American society? Sure I could. But, is there a point to that?

As I mentioned in a previous article, “Cheating on Your Spouse? Consider this…” one of the major cravings in life is sex. If you look good to others in society you’re going to have a hell of a time ignoring this subject while you’re married. It’s essential to ignore it while you’re married though. If you’re devastatingly good looking like a Brad Pitt - having looks, cash and free time you’re doomed. Cutting off the hair on your head - as a man or woman is a great start. People will treat you differently - more objectively. Not based on your looks. The rest of my appearance sort of adheres to that same idea. There’s no need to impress anyone with what I’m wearing.

Shaving my head and not having jewelry is not a reaction to society. I’m not rebelling. Years ago I looked at the watch I had on my wrist and wondered why it was there. What is it doing for me? Aren’t I surrounded by clocks? There was a clock in my car, in my office, at various points all over the company I worked at. There was a clock in my phone and on my notebook and desktop computers. There was a clock on everyone elses wrist. Why did I need one? Though my watch was a gift - I put it in a drawer and haven’t put it on since.

Wearing necklaces stopped as I entered the Air Force years ago - I’d lost many over the years and always replaced them. The last one I lost at 18 years old and never replaced it.

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Bracelets - I’ve never worn a bracelet until recently here in Thailand. Let me explain… as part of going to the temple there are these Buddhist nuns that sit inside the temple and wait for foreigners to come in so they can put these braided brown bracelets on their wrist and get them to sign the guest book. Now - I don’t care personally about wearing one of these, but on the other hand - when someone wants to put it on me because it means something to them - I don’t want to be rude by refusing. Thais’ have this concept of ‘face’ that’s hard for westerners to understand but I’ve got a pretty good handle on it now. To refuse anything offered causes the other person to lose face.

So - I keep the bracelet on as long as it remains a neither positive or negative consequence. It’s when it starts to smell that I take it off.

I don’t wear a ring - even when I am married. To me the idea of putting a ring on as a symbol of marriage is simply ridiculous. The symbol of my marriage is what I do with my wife every day. How I treat her. How I show her that I love her. The ring is an external symbol to others that I can afford a gold ring and a diamond and gold ring for my wife. It’s also a comment on my relationship status which is not anyone’s business but mine. Some women pay more attention to guys with wedding rings. Why is that? I don’t need that kind of woman around me when I’m married. When I’m single - hell yes. But I’m not going to wear a wedding ring when I’m single either. When married - no point. I don’t get wedding rings. I don’t wear them.

I haven’t needed glasses so far - so that’s a non-issue. I’m not sure if I’d choose to wear glasses or contacts. The choice would be made entirely on what felt best and made the most sense… do contacts feel good? Is the experinece better than glasses? If yes, I’d wear them. If I couldn’t get used to the routine of sticking them in my eyes everyday and if I often lost them in my eye-socket I’d wear glasses. Would I wear some cool style of glasses that cost me $300+. Nah. My glasses would be the most basic glasses that exist. If I could find frames for $15, I’d buy those.

My clothes are unremarkable. I’m lucky enough to live where I don’t need a lot of clothes. I’ve got 3 pair of shorts and about 9 shirts. My shoes are sport sandals - almost 3 years old. They don’t smell and they’re very comfortable. Nobody would call them fashionable by any stretch, but they are “Nike” brand. I do a lot physically and Nike sport sandals have served me very well for 8 years, I’ll buy another pair when these wear out. Not because they’re Nikes, but because they are built very well and so far have taken the torture of climbing up and down more than 692,000 steps at a local mountain temple over the past 10 months. That’s a tough shoe!

I’ve one pair of pants and some thin nylon sweatpants.

The nicest shirt I have cost $9 USD at the store, new. Most of my clothes are used as I can buy them for $2-3. You might think it’s easy to dress down living in Thailand and blogging for a living. It is. However, if I moved back to the USA - to Hawaii most likely, I wouldn’t change what I wore with the exception of probably needing to buy some pants to keep up with the company dress code. As much as I’d like to continue blogging as my only income maker - in Hawaii I’d need to get another job as well. In the states I think it’d be easy to get by on $15 jeans or other cotton casual dress pants and a $10 shirt.

My choice of clothes is somewhat of a reaction to society and the crazy ideal that people in business try to adhere to. There was a time when I bought expensive pants, shirts and shoes. Why? I thought I had to fit in. I was in management at a resort firm in Hawaii. I was the marketing manager. I thought I had to dress with $100+ silk aloha shirts and Polo pants everyday. I spent a hell of a lot on clothes. When I think back to that time - I ask myself - who was I impressing? Other people at my job? Those that I saw at our hotels and timeshares everyday? What would have happened if I didn’t dress like that? Nothing. It was in my mind. Probably it’s in your mind too.

I don’t have tattoos or piercings. I don’t want anyone to look at me because I have a design on my arm that is similar to hundreds of others people have already seen. The nicest tattoo I’ve ever seen was on my friend Justin, a teacher from Canada (see pic). It was amazing, great color - really great picture. The thing is - I don’t believe our skin was made for pictures. As good as it was I’ll bet I could find 1000 pieces of artwork of the same scene that I like better than the image on his arm. I just don’t ‘get’ tattoos. I don’t understand. I don’t believe I’d have more self-esteem with a tattoo. Probably I’d feel less - like I was silly enough to get a picture on my arm like everyone else because I’m not confident enough in myself to go against what my friends are doing.

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I think there are so few people in this world that are following their own ideas. We want to do what others in a subculture are doing because it makes us feel like we’re rebelling against mainstream society. It’s also to become accepted in the new subculture. We want to go against the grain - but just a little bit. Rarely does someone want to really rebel against society. If he did he might pierce part of a metal door through the skin of his scalp and carry around the door all day. You don’t see that too often. You don’t see someone tattoo polka dots the size of a quarter all over their body either. Or stars. Snowflakes. That’d be different. Why doesn’t anyone do that?

So, for me - I think that the less someone is looking at my clothes, my jewelry, and my tattoos - the better. I’m more interesting than that. I’m more approachable than someone looking like a magazine ad for Polo. Interact with ME, not what I’m wearing. Not what you see. Interact with what’s in my head -not on the outside of my head.

So, that’s why I don’t wear jewelry… and a lot more!

Best of Life!

Vern

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This applies to a man or a woman, though a woman would probably have much more success with it. What have you got to lose? Just your marriage if you don’t try it!

Cut off all the hair from your head.

In 1996 as I began to meditate I realized something about the way women looked at me. They lusted after me to put it bluntly. I’m not Brad Pitt and I’m not a political powerhouse or wealthy mogul. But I realized something back then. I’m pretty damn attractive. Too attractive to have these women drooling over me because I was newly married and didn’t need the aggravation. Come on guys, you know what I’m talking about. (I hope this came across as humor!)

So, I was recently married and I was getting the usual eye-traffic coming my way at the university where I was finishing up graduate school. Being a student of psychology I enjoyed doing little social experiments to see if I could learn something about life. After a visit to see my brother in New York I decided I’d cut my hair down to about one eighth of an inch and see if people looked at me differently. My brother, who has been effectively bald since the age of twenty-one told me that not having hair is different than having hair. People don’t treat him the way they treat me because I have hair. He seemed to be jealous of me having hair when he didn’t - especially since I was older by four years.

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My head was shaved in the Air Force years before - but that was done at the base where every man’s head was shaved. I wanted to see - does hair make a difference in how people treat me? Specifically, I wanted to see - do women treat me in a different way than when I had hair. Friends and strangers - were there differences that I could perceive?

I bought some clippers and put on the #1 level plastic piece. A “1″ is a close cut. It’s 1/4 to 1/8″ of an inch. It took all of five minutes to clip it all off. Wow. I went from a preppy and adorable full head of dirty blond hair down to stubble in minutes. It was comical to look at myself in the mirror. Already I knew the answer - people would definitely treat me differently. I couldn’t even come to grips with the new look for a few days.

Over the next few weeks I noticed a very real change in the way my friends treated me.

The most common question asked was, WHY did you do that? Apparently the shock of reality was almost too much for my female friends who thought me attractive before. They said things like, “It looked so much better before.” “Why do you want to look like a skinhead?” Apparently my head was so white because my hair was blond that I looked like a skinhead to some. I didn’t act like a skinhead any more than I did with hair - but, this was the reaction I got from some people. Apparently the stubble-head incites fear in some. I guess I did look skinheadish - but inside I couldn’t have been further from that.

I noticed a huge difference in the behavior of strangers toward me. Prior to shaving my head I got a fair number of looks my way during the day. I think everyone at the university gets their fair share of looks since out of 35,000 students there must be 100 that think any person looks good enough to make eye contact with.

Well, after I shaved my head I didn’t get the usual looks and eye contact that I got before. I still got some - and it wasn’t from people staring because I looked like a skinhead. I don’t think anyway. I began to get looks from a different type of person that I didn’t get looks from before. Bad girls. Girls with tattoos and smoking outside the classrooms, even teenagers would look at me quite a bit more and smile. It was bizarre. When I had hair I can’t remember ever having a bad girl look my way or go out of her way to make eye contact with me. When I had no hair - apparently they thought I was a bad boy and that appealed to them.

With friends they seemed to distance themselves from me a little bit. It seemed like they acted more seriously toward me and didn’t joke around or flirt as much if they were girl friends.

Anyway - a very interesting experiment that you should try as a man. As a woman I think you would experience really profound differences in the way men and other women treated you. Some would look at you as if you had turned lesbian. Some would think you a skinhead. Some would think you have a medical problem. Some would think you had a mental problem.

I’m considering making social experiments a part of this web site. I have a few more to share with you from growing up in the USA - but, since now I’m in Thailand - I wonder about the generalizability of experiments I do here. Would you still find them interesting? Not sure.

Here in Thailand I’ve shaved my head - sometimes with a razor (see pic) - just so I don’t have to think about hair being mashed down by my motorbike helmet. It’s cooler and nobody gives me strange looks here. The Thai women also have a similar reaction as in America. Less looks after I clip or shave my head. It’s really strange to realize the effect first-hand.

So - if you’re cheating or plan on cheating or could see yourself cheating - shave your head as soon as possible. Use a razor and go totally hairless if you’re just too sexy for your own good.  See how sexy you are then.

Huh?  Still too sexy?  Shave your legs and arms too.

STILL?  Shave your eyebrows smooth and pluck your eyelashes.

STILL??????? Ok, Ok, see a professional I can’t help.

Best of Life!

Vern

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Part of having an awesome life experience is having a realistic view of death. Death can come anytime, I’ve learned that in my own life a few different times now. Perhaps many of you have felt the sting of the death of a family member or friend. Here are some common but often overlooked things that will kill you before you know it.

1. Coconuts. As I was driving along a road full of coconut trees I remembered a little known or talked about fact. More people die as a result of coconuts dropping on their head than die from shark attacks every year. So, this is #1 in my list to kick things off. I believe it’s true as I’ve seen them hit the ground from 40 feet up a tree. I don’t really remember looking at coconut trees much in Florida or Hawaii, but the ones here in Thailand have monster coconuts that must almost weigh as much as a bowling ball. One clunk from 10 feet or so and that would be it.

2. Choking on a morsel of food. I was eating those long squiggly noodles the other day, instant noodles I’ll call them so I don’t use a brand name. I realized about mid-way through that I wasn’t chewing them at all, just kind of feeling them in my mouth and swallowing the fork-full. I had a brief thought about choking to death on noodles. You can choke to death on a teaspoon full of water, so why not soft noodles?

The problem with choking to death is that often times there’s nothing you can do. It gets caught in your windpipe and you can’t even cough. If someone doesn’t notice something is wrong with you it’s possible you die right there after you pass out. In this case, if you ever notice you are choking and can’t do anything - bang the table and point to your throat. Hopefully someone gets the idea and bear hugs you from reverse with the Heimlich maneuver. Or, you can jam the back of a chair into your diaphragm to try to expel the air. Don’t be shy about it - you might only get one or two chances, throw yourself on the chair.

3. Lightening. I lived in Tampa for 10 years. Tampa is lightening capital of the WORLD. There are more strikes per square mile there each year than anywhere in the world. Not sure why that is - but I believe it’s right on the money. In 10 years I saw lightening hit within 100 yards of me about 6 times, once within 20 feet of me. When I counseled people with traumatic brain injuries I worked with a man that was hit by lightening twice. He was 6′7″! When it rained he’d hide in the restroom at his mobile home. Twice I had to sit with him there and talk him through it.

4. Heart attack while swimming. There are more of these in Thailand than I can believe. It’s very often that tourists are found floating face down in the water, dead after having a heart attack from exerting themselves while swimming. Swimming is a VERY strenuous exercise, one of the best things you can do to improve your health, but also one of the worst if you’re not ready for it. Even swimming 30 yards will elevate an unfit heart to dangerous levels. Swimming is nothing to mess with!

5. Asthma. You might only have it a little bit. I do. I developed it at around 21 years of age while in New York City. My brother has it in a bad way, so I was prepared for it. Mine wasn’t consistent. I’d have a bad day a month or maybe 2-3 days a month. The rest of the month - no problems. Then when I moved to Hawaii - asthma was gone. Then when I moved to Tampa - it returned. In Tampa I almost died from an allergic reaction to Aunt Jemima’s pancake syrup if you can believe that. I was home alone and had finished up some pancakes when things went horribly wrong. I called 911 and they got there just as I was passing out from not being able to breathe. Take asthma seriously, even if you have it a little bit.

6. Shock. Some people are more susceptible to this than others. I don’t know if there’s anything you can do about it. Anything shocking, but usually something very traumatic - a car accident, a traumatic injury, exposure to cold or heat for an extended period of time. Shock shuts down your body, and eventually your mind goes with it. This is a real concern in the case of heat exhaustion.

7. A fall down some steps. Even a small fall from a standing position straight on your head, you know, in case you hadn’t time to put your arms out to catch some of the force, is enough to do it. Most days I climb 1,237 steps to the top of a hill here at a local Buddhist temple. The view is incredible and it’s a lot more fun to climb the stairs as exercise, meeting people from around the world than it is to run around an asphalt oval at the sports park. The steps are very uneven in steepness, surface, and they are more like a concrete ladder than steps a lot of times. I’ve slipped twice on the steps in 275 times of climbing them. I haven’t seen a tourist fall down a flight of them. I hope I never do, but the odds are… well, I hope I don’t see it. Once someone starts falling, it might be 30 or more steps before they were able to stop. IF they were able to stop. You have steps in your home?

8. An angry boyfriend, husband, or friend. Really, crimes of passion among people who know each other are very common. You may never know when you’re scraping like a cheese-grater on a person’s last good nerve. Or, just as bad, you might know and not take it seriously enough. Each of us hides a lot from the general public. People with a lot of problems hide a hell of a lot. There are plenty of psychotic and generally mentally ill persons in the USA, I know, I counseled many of them. Sometimes I talked them out of killing others. Really, it’s common.

9. Allergies. Yeah, those things that the nurse tested you for when you were 8 years old by pricking your back with a tiny amount of 120 substances that typically cause allergic reactions. Unfortunately they didn’t prick me with A. J. pancake syrup or jellyfish toxin.

I was snorkeling in Maui as I did most every weekend for two years and this one time I got a nasty sting on the inside of my left thigh. It left a road-map of chemical burn on my skin that stayed for over a year. After it stung I noticed that, while the pain was incredible what was more disconcerting was the way I was almost passing out. Apparently I was allergic to the toxin in the jellyfish. Who would’ve guessed? I’d been stung by Portuguese Man O’ War in Hawaii countless times while bodyboarding and never had any reaction other than the usual pain. Allergies are so deadly because you probably won’t have any idea you’re allergic to something when the reaction to it overtakes you. Otherwise you’d have avoided whatever it was, right?

Oh, I almost forgot. Here in Thailand’s northeast the thing to do is to eat fried scorpions. The big ones are about 7 inches from head to tail. I wanted to do some video of me eating a variety of bugs and things, like the Thais’ do here. I chose a big scorpion to eat last. All the bugs went down easily and even the scorpion went down fine. I finished filming and went running at a park. Well, before I knew it I was hallucinating, panting, salivating and having a lot of trouble breathing. I walked calmly back to the motorcycle and drove back to the room where my girlfriend took me to the emergency room. They kept me overnight and all turned out well. But, who’d have guessed that I was allergic to even the cooked venom in the scorpion? Not me!

Video - me eating fried scorpion that almost killed me >

Video - me in hospital as a result of eating fried scorpion >

That’s what I came up with. I didn’t want to go over the usual killers like electricity, auto accidents, spiders, snakes and things because most people are very aware of those and take great care to avoid them. Who thinks about dying as they walk down a flight of stairs? While snorkeling on vacation? After eating pancakes with maple syrup?

If you have something to add, post a comment. They’re always welcome…

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Best of Life!

Vern

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