So, I’ve been agonizing over the decision about whether to stay in Thailand or go back to Hawaii. In Hawaii I have a friend from Sweden, Christian who does Hawaii appraisal of residential real estate on Oahu, Maui, Kauai, and Big Island there that is making it very easy for me to come back and live like a leech off his generosity for a few weeks before I can bag a job.

How’s THIS for generosity…

“Vern you can rent a room in my house for $200 per month. I normally rent it out for$700 as it’s a share with another roommate.”

He has the following I can use:

Bodyboard, Mountain bike, Snorkel/mask/fins, Kayak, computer, futon, other stuff in the apartment, camping gear.

He will give me things to do – to fix up – so I don’t have to actually pay cash for rent. I’ll paint things and help him put some tile down and other things.

He may be looking for an apprentice appraiser too. He’d teach me all about appraising homes and for 2 years I’d work with him for little cash. At the end of two years I can go out on my own and get my own license. Not that I’m really looking to be an appraiser, but who knows? He likes the job a LOT.

So here’s an update on the Fate post I wrote the other day…

So far these are the things that I would normally ignore COMPLETELY because they are of the fate/existential realm that I never give any credence to. There have been many things now since I’ve been paying attention and since I decided to keep track of them since I cannot come up with a logical reason to move back to Hawaii or remain in Thailand.

1st: I flipped a coin and told myself I’d go with whatever decision it came up with. Heads was Thailand. Tails was Hawaii. It was heads.

2nd: I flipped the card at the beach – as in that Fate post. I said – red card, I’ll stay in Thailand where my heart is. Black card, go back to Hawaii. The card, on turning it over was white – the dye / ink had disappeared. The card was a 6 of hearts though. Technically red at one point, but no longer.

3rd: Believe it or not, while I was at a cave temple in Krabi, Thailand I looked down at my feet and there was another playing card. I tried again. It came up RED. Hmm.

4th: My brother told me that returning to the United States might be the dumbest thing I ever did.

5th: I’ve had “jhana” come a lot lately – it leaves a feeling as if I am meant to be here in Thailand. It’s such a “right” feeling to be here…

6th: I saw a small black cat walking across a vacant lot the other day. I’m in a 3rd floor room of a hotel in Krabi, Thailand. I was watching it out the window when I said to myself. If you want me to stay here that cat will look at me. It will look not just randomly, but for a substantial amount of time. In about 7 seconds the cat stopped and looked right up at me. I hadn’t moved or spoken. There was no noise from my room or anywhere close. The cat stared for 5 whole seconds or more.

7th: I had a dream that my girlfriend here and I were closing up the front doors of our business (like a store front) and going to sleep for the night. I rarely dream anymore.

So, that’s the tally so far. 7 for stay in Thailand and none for go back to Hawaii.

And yet, I still made a reservation to return to Hawaii. Why? I’m not sure. I believe that I just have zero sense of faith in anything outside myself directing my life. I’ve directed my life for 40 years basically. I got myself into the good, bad and ugly. I can get myself out of it too. I know that I can make it anywhere and that location is not that important… however, the people I’m surrounded with… the culture… will be very different in both places.

Realistically, Hawaii is where I need to be as I need to build on my small successes and keep hitting goals I have in the online – and offline world.

Metaphysically, everything is telling me – Thailand is the place, at least for now.

We’ll see I guess! My flight is to go next week and barring something extreme, I’ll be back in Honolulu running around Magic Island park, bodyboarding at Bellows, The Wall, Makapu’u, and other favorite spots.

Mostly I’ll be missing this incredible girl I’ve met here and spent the last more than 2 years with. She is such a quality person that I cannot believe my good-fortune in finding her. I’ve been married 3 times already at 41 years old! 3!

I’ve thought 5 times that I found the perfect girl for me… I was wrong everytime. This time, I’m not wrong. Sounds funny I know – Vern must have a serious issue about picking girls – and I DO. VERY serious issue. But, you know what? I’ve got the courage to keep trying.

I think it was Rudolph Dreikurs (family psychologist) that was big on encouragement and the courage to keep trying. I have it when it comes to relationships. I’ve definitely got it.

I have not one doubt in my mind that this girl is the jewel of Thailand…

I’ll write more about my friend here in Thailand in later posts.

If you’re tired of trying – you’ve got to try again when you build up the energy… don’t ever stop trying…

Aim for Awesome!

Really, it’s a good mantra…

Aloha!

Vern

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